


cherry bomb

by last



Category: BTOB
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-20 19:47:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4800056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/last/pseuds/last
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sometimes strangers come with benefits. (it’s exactly what it seems like – mutual pining, light-hearted mind games and an oblivious hyunsik.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	cherry bomb

**Author's Note:**

> (a.k.a. friends with benefits au)
> 
> great. it’s my first fic on here with a rating on the higher end of the spectrum and i’ve managed to skyrocket to a grand nc-17 (plus it’s shamefully long). who i have to thank for this is primary, choa and iron for [‘don’t be shy’](http://youtu.be/G9zL-A78oRg) which i was obsessed with for at least a week straight and is pretty much the reason why this thing came to existence. i still love it with my entire heart. ♡ if you’re familiar with the song, you may notice a few obvious references scattered around the first scene. next, a big thank you to [britt](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sandeullie) for taking the time to read this over for me and providing a valuable second opinion (as well as encouraging me throughout the writing process). hopefully even minor changes have taken this whole thing up another notch.
> 
> finally, i hope this is enjoyable. it’s just fluff, banging, the progression of hyunsik falling head over heels in love, and ilhoon is pretty cute in this i guess. if you manage to reach the end, i love you. see you again.
> 
> p.s. my sincerest apologies to ilhoon’s ass.

The first time Hyunsik meets him, he’s told that the blonde-haired boy is magic and he’s uncertain as to whether he’s being serious. Then he remembers it’s Halloween and he’s most likely referring to the pair of circular glasses and the pointed witch hat he’s wearing. They’re sitting under dim lights, music playing loudly in the distance, and they’re closer to each other than Hyunsik assumes they should be when he doesn’t even know his name yet. Each time he looks at him, he thinks that he’s beautiful, but in the darkness he can’t see all that well and he has a nagging suspicion that he’s more so in decent lighting. Hyunsik decides he’d like to find out if it’s true.

“I am magic,” the boy insists and it’s oddly convincing. “I can make things happen.”

“What does this have to do with me?” Hyunsik asks, interested in hearing more if he has a story prepared.

“Nothing,” he smirks behind his glass, taking a sip straight after. “Between you and me, I just wanted your attention.”

“You have it now,” Hyunsik replies, remaining still when he edges even nearer until their shoulders are pressing into each other.

It makes Hyunsik increasingly tense. Between not knowing his intentions and enjoying the sudden notice directed towards him and him only, he’d be lying if he tried to claim this isn’t exciting in the least. In comparison to spending every weekday in an office repeatedly doing the exact same mundane activities until his mind is completely blank, deciding to accept the invitation from his colleagues to go out tonight probably wasn’t such a terrible idea. Then again, he is also dressed like a doctor when, in reality, he’s the furthest thing from one and he has no clue where everyone he came with has gone.

“What’s your name?” Hyunsik asks, wanting to put one to a face, but he’s unsure if this is common club etiquette.

“I’m Ilhoon,” he tilts his head and lets his lips broaden into a friendly smile that makes Hyunsik slightly less nervous.

“Hyunsik,” he introduces himself, almost extending his hand by instinct, but stopping when he remembers this isn’t a formal setting. Not by far.

The rum in his piña colada hits the back of his throat when he downs the last of it to calm himself because Ilhoon is so close now it’s like he’s expectant, but he doesn’t ask for anything. Hyunsik notices his glass is empty too and calls over the bartender for two more of their respective drinks of choice on him. This seems to satisfy Ilhoon as he happily shuffles in his seat.

“You know, I spotted you staring at me alone in your little corner here so I had to come over,” he tells Hyunsik, who sweats because he didn’t realise it had been that obvious. “Is this your first time or something?”

“What—at a club? No, of course not,” he swiftly responds in an attempt to clarify that he is, in fact, somewhat acquainted with nightlife, despite the majority of the time spent on it being back in his university days (which were actually not that long ago, but he’s already forgotten about them through working nine-to-five. Being in his early twenties, he’s found, is not what it’s made out to be).

“Relax, doctor,” Ilhoon snorts. “I was just asking.”

“Well, what about you?” Hyunsik asks back, figuring it’s only polite to, but he doesn’t really know why.

Ilhoon lightly taps the side of his nose like it’s some big secret, but what Hyunsik thinks he means is that he’s never been before tonight and he doesn’t want to admit it. That, or he frequents clubs very regularly and this is his way of saying so, but Hyunsik suspects otherwise. He also suspects Ilhoon might already be tipsy when he finishes his second glass then rests his head on his shoulder, telling him it’s comfortable and that he’d like to keep it there while quietly giggling to himself. Hyunsik lets him, but begins to wonder if he’s ever drank either.

Ilhoon asks Hyunsik to suggest something stronger for him, but he dances around the question until the bartender ends up being asked instead and Ilhoon pays for a Long Island iced tea. Hyunsik decides to order one too because he needs to try loosening up again.

“Um, could I ask,” Hyunsik starts, pausing to sip his drink when it arrives. “How old are you?”

“So, it’s like that,” Ilhoon pokes fun at him, even places a hand on Hyunsik’s thigh and he’s certain he knows what he’s trying to do here.

It makes Hyunsik stutter, “No—I mean—I just want to know.”

“I turned nineteen this month, so don’t _worry_ or anything,” Ilhoon snickers, then leans in until the tips of their noses are almost touching. It doesn’t take a genius, or in this case a doctor, to tell that he finds this amusing.

“I wasn’t, I was only curious—”

“I know,” Ilhoon assures him, sitting back again but his hand staying put. “I told you, I’m magic.”

Hyunsik is starting to believe he could be with what he’s doing and the way it’s making him feel inside – he’s not one to lose his cool so easily, but this boy has instantly got his mind running all over the place. The most nerve-racking part of it is that he’s well-aware too and he’s clearly loving it.

“You’re _cute_ ,” Ilhoon tells him, his cheek in the palm that isn’t on Hyunsik’s lap as he rests his elbow on the bar countertop. It sounds like he could be mocking him, but it’s quite difficult to determine.

“Thanks?” Hyunsik replies, and gulps down at least half of his drink before looking at Ilhoon again for a few seconds. “I think you’re really cute too.”

“Then,” Ilhoon begins, leaning in close once more and Hyunsik doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t move, but how can he when he’s frozen stiff. “It’s okay if I do this, right?”

He keeps getting nearer yet Hyunsik doesn’t want to escape, oh no, he lets Ilhoon continue until he’s pausing to stare at his lips. He meets his gaze again straight after and flashes him a mischievous smile, then he kisses him, and Hyunsik thinks he should have seen it coming for sure but he’s still so surprised. Truthfully, it’s kind of surreal above anything else. Ilhoon tastes bitter like the remnants of vodka and whatever else lingering in his mouth, but strangely sweet afterwards, although Hyunsik doesn’t know if it’s purely his imagination. It’s over before he knows it anyway.

“Do you feel like going somewhere quieter?” Ilhoon casually suggests.

Trying to sit up straight, Hyunsik can’t add one and one together yet, “Hm?”

“With less music, less people around. Get what I’m saying here?” he elaborates, but the only thing Hyunsik can actually think of is the possibility that his hand has slowly crept higher along his thigh.

“Okay? Yeah, sure,” he babbles without putting in much thought and it seems that Ilhoon can make things happen after all.

Hyunsik hastily follows Ilhoon out of the club and re-enters the fresh air outside, which makes him wonder how he was even alive for the past couple of hours inside of such a stuffy building. By now it’s pitch black with the two of them being guided by the streetlights, and under them Ilhoon is more breathtaking than Hyunsik initially thought he would be. They’re walking towards no place in particular and Ilhoon is having trouble staying in a straight line, meaning that he keeps wandering into and away from Hyunsik who gets flustered whenever their hands touch in the slightest. He doesn’t have any idea what to do or what they’re supposed to be doing.

“You can look at me, you know,” Ilhoon says in the middle of their conversation when he realises Hyunsik hasn’t made eye contact with him since they got out here and he’s constantly turning away, making sure he’s facing right ahead or down at his own feet.

“Yes, of course,” Hyunsik gives him a sheepish smile, but all this time he’s been imagining looking at him so he wouldn’t be rude by actually doing so for too long (not that it seems like Ilhoon would have minded though).

“Don’t be shy,” Ilhoon tells him as their hands brush against each other again. “Where do you wanna go?”

“I don’t know,” Hyunsik replies.

“Let’s go to my dorm then,” Ilhoon says, pointing off to the side until he notices Hyunsik staring blankly at him. “Oh, is that not a good idea?”

“It’s fine, but it just seems kind of strange. For me to be there, I mean.”

“You don’t have to come, or we can go elsewhere,” Ilhoon supposes for a moment. “We don’t have roommates so you don’t have to worry about that and, besides, everyone who lives there is probably out tonight anyway.”

“Alright, let’s go,” Hyunsik decides, and encourages Ilhoon to show him the way.

They walk along a few streets, cross an intersection without any delay because there’s not a car in sight this late at night, then approach a building which Hyunsik thinks he may have seen before. Ilhoon leads him through the gates past security, then towards his block. After punching in the code to unlock the entrance, he takes Hyunsik upstairs to his room and invites him inside.

It’s tiny, but what else would it be – it’s not a luxury hotel suite. It has enough space for a bed, a desk with a chair and a wardrobe. Ilhoon’s comforter is plain beige, there are two pillows, and a striped blanket carelessly dumped on the other end.

“You’re allowed to sit down,” Ilhoon tells Hyunsik, nodding towards the bed, then takes off his hat and glasses and places them on the desk.

Hyunsik does so. He sets himself down in the centre and Ilhoon joins him once he’s removed his jacket and left it on the back of the chair. He sits close again although there’s room for him to be further away than this, and he seems to have no intention to move. Not that Hyunsik’s actually bothered – the sides of their legs being pressed together feels somewhat cozy. When he turns to Ilhoon, he can see him so much more clearly now it’s like he’s looking at him for the first time ever. His face to and from each cheek, including the bridge of his nose, is still lightly blushed from the alcohol and if Hyunsik had to call it something it’d probably be adorable.

“Could I ask,” Ilhoon tips his head to the side. “Why are you dressed as a doctor? Are you scared of them?”

“Hm?” it takes a few seconds for Hyunsik to realise he’s being spoken to. “Oh, no. I didn’t have a costume so I just borrowed this coat from one of my co-workers.”

“It suits you, even if you’re not genuinely a doctor. You could’ve been creative and added fake blood though,” he says, then turning his attention to something else and resting his chin on Hyunsik’s shoulder. “Did you want to come here to sit around?”

“Well, tell me what you want to do,” Hyunsik replies, giving Ilhoon a little smile.

“Mmm, can I kiss you again?” he asks, the rest of his body bobbing up while his chin stays put.

Hyunsik tells him, “Sure,” which could, at the back of his mind, mean _please do because I lied and actually I think you’re extremely cute, not just really_.

Ilhoon kisses him for longer this time round. Hyunsik suspects he might be smiling, but he doesn’t want to be rude and open his eyes. He didn’t notice before because his mind was positively spinning back then and it’s still trying to slow down now, but Ilhoon’s lips are soft and they feel some sort of amazing against his. Ilhoon kisses him again, and again, then gently takes his bottom lip between his teeth and tugs. When he lets go, his arms have made their way behind Hyunsik’s neck and one leg over his, while Hyunsik’s hands are pulling Ilhoon further onto his lap by the waist. He doesn’t resist and he’s unexpectedly comfortable to have sitting on top of him, despite his knee pushing against his crotch. Whenever Ilhoon shifts a centimetre, Hyunsik thinks he might just die from the friction.

Ilhoon gives a tiny smirk before he leans in again, this time open-mouthed and he lets Hyunsik kiss back, allows him to take the lead. Obviously, he leaps at the chance and grabs it. Bringing Ilhoon closer with a hand at the back of his head and fingers threading themselves through his hair, he kisses him deeper than before, slips his tongue past his very briefly, then moves to the underside of his jawline. He presses the lightest kisses along it but they have Ilhoon wanting more (he can tell by the way he’s clinging to him harder now).

As Hyunsik reaches his neck, Ilhoon has begun to grab at his shirt and clumsily undo the top buttons. Naturally, Hyunsik too starts on Ilhoon’s clothing, slowly sliding his hands underneath his sweater and up along the sides of his bare waist. It makes Ilhoon freeze in his tracks.

“Um—hold on—let’s slow down a bit, okay?” Ilhoon interrupts, slightly breathless.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Hyunsik replies, but he notices Ilhoon suddenly seems panicked. “Wait—have you ever done this before?”

Ilhoon looks him in the eye, self-conscious for what appears to be the first time all night, “No.”

“Oh my God.”

Hyunsik pulls his arms away, leans back onto his elbows and stares up at Ilhoon, still rather contently sitting on him, and tries to make sense of everything. (At the same time, he can’t help but also think that Ilhoon looks incredible from this angle too.) As he does, Ilhoon is expectant and waiting for him to speak.

“I’m sorry—I just—I had no idea,” Hyunsik splutters.

“I mean, it’s not like it’s something I advertise,” Ilhoon rolls his eyes, but takes his hands in his afterwards and it all feels oddly tender for two strangers. “But it’s alright. I think I understand.”

“Yeah? I’m sorry, I don’t think I could do that to you,” Hyunsik says, holding onto Ilhoon too.

“Hm? Take my virginity then never see me again?” he raises an eyebrow. “Well, don’t worry about it. You’re rather sentimental about fucking, but that’s kind of sweet.”

“Uh, thanks.”

“To be frank, I could tell you’re probably not usually a one-night stand type of guy. But you’re really nice and I like you,” Ilhoon grins at Hyunsik and he’s starting to give his thighs pins and needles from being on top of him for so long. His eyes wander about a little before they return to Hyunsik’s face. “I’m sure you’re aware, but you’re still hard. Do you not want me to at least deal with that for you?”

“I’ll live. Honestly,” Hyunsik insists.

“If you say so,” Ilhoon shrugs, getting off of him and sitting in the empty space between his legs instead. “Since you’re here, maybe we can just talk? Unless you want to leave.”

“No, sure,” Hyunsik replies, sitting up, although he doesn’t understand why he actually wants to stay (that’s a bold-faced lie – he’s thoroughly enjoying Ilhoon’s company despite the sudden awkwardness and he knows it). “About what though?”

“I dunno,” Ilhoon crosses his legs. “Perhaps something other than me being a virgin.”

“Wait,” Hyunsik says, dead serious. “Have you ever kissed somebody before? Someone else, I mean.”

“Or we could not follow my suggestion whatsoever,” Ilhoon jokes. “Well, you know back at the club?”

Hyunsik’s eyes widen and he’s uncertain as to whether he wants to hear it, “Don’t tell me.”

“Yeah, that was my first kiss,” Ilhoon replies, completely nonchalant. “Feel special.”

“Jesus.”

“You’re so funny.”

Ilhoon stops talking for a few minutes after that. He’s currently engrossed in scanning Hyunsik all over like he’s analysing him, determining his worth, but he looks so innocent while doing so that he couldn’t possibly be. Then again, Hyunsik also thinks Ilhoon could probably kill him right now and get away with it scot-free.

“What are you studying?” Hyunsik restarts the conversation with a subject far more conventional but undoubtedly less interesting.

“Literature,” Ilhoon replies. “You did say you work in an office, didn’t you? What kind?”

“Yes, for an insurance company,” Hyunsik itches the back of his neck because he doesn’t consider it something to brag about. It pays the bills and he has a place of his own, but it’s hardly intriguing or cool.

“How boring.”

They continue for a while longer before Ilhoon begins to yawn and seeing him makes Hyunsik do the same. Before realising it, it’s become early in the morning rather than late at night and Hyunsik thinks it should be about time for him to leave.

“Do you need to go home?” Ilhoon asks when Hyunsik checks his watch.

“I suppose so, why?”

“I was going to ask if you would do a, let’s say, _favour_ , but it doesn’t matter,” he shuffles forwards with a smile that most likely means he’s going to get what he wants anyway.

“And what would that be?” Hyunsik sits taller because he’s interested in whatever he’s got in store for him next.

“Would you hold my hand and lie here with me for the rest of the night? I know this bed isn’t exactly big, but we can lie sideways and both fit,” Ilhoon requests and, at this point, Hyunsik doesn’t even find it odd or question it, but it sounds so chaste when they were literally about to fuck perhaps barely forty minutes ago. “That’s all, but it’s up to you.”

It’s simple enough and Hyunsik obliges (it could be because he wants to—no, it definitely is). They lie facing each other, Ilhoon by the wall and Hyunsik more vulnerable from falling off than he’d like, their fingers interlaced between them and it seems strangely intimate. They quietly chat for around another hour until Ilhoon falls asleep while Hyunsik is rambling about business school and selling insurance, which he doesn’t blame him for. Once he’s the only one awake, he considers leaving because he feels so alien here, but he doesn’t budge a single inch. Ilhoon appears so peaceful he’d hate to disturb him (and maybe he’d like to be together for longer than a night).

 

 

 

 

It’s the early afternoon when they wake up. Hyunsik does so first which is bizarre because he’s never been known for actually waking up at all without an alarm, but he feels glad. Looking over his face, Ilhoon’s eyelashes are pretty and long (somehow he didn’t know this, but to be fair it was darker before) and he’s snoring almost silently until he opens his eyes and he’s gently startled by the sight of Hyunsik lying opposite him. He seemed so delicate just now. They’re still holding hands and Ilhoon gives Hyunsik a light squeeze, says good morning, and it’s like they’re in love and have been for a long time. For a second, Hyunsik almost forgets they only met last night.

“Do you have anywhere you need to be today?” Ilhoon asks.

“Not really,” Hyunsik rolls onto his back and wonders if he should let go, but doesn’t. “Why?”

“I just wanted to know,” he replies, loosening his grip first instead.

Ilhoon climbs over Hyunsik, his knee skims his stomach and it could be on purpose, then walks towards the mirror on his desk. He fixes his hair, but truthfully Hyunsik thinks it was already fine as it was.

“Hey, could I ask something else?“ Ilhoon turns around to face Hyunsik.

“If you want to?” he asks back, now sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I do,” Ilhoon smirks, then sits beside him. “About last night, was it because we’re strangers?”

“Hm? Oh, that? Well, I guess?” Hyunsik says in an attempt to sound as unfazed as possible, which has probably failed. “I mean, with a stranger, I know it’s different for everyone but, I’m not sure, it’s a bit—”

“Is this you being sentimental again?” Ilhoon nudges him.

“I don’t know. I feel old.”

“This is so funny. Do you want to be my friend or something first?” Ilhoon continues, then taking a minute to think it through. “You know, this could be a regular thing.”

“Isn’t that weird?”

“Not in this day and age. It’s not unusual for people to fuck a friend now, you know.”

“I see,” Hyunsik replies. “Do you want me to sleep with you that badly? I mean, not that I wasn’t going to but—”

“Well, it’s merely a suggestion. If you’re determined to stick around, it’s weirder knowing that we both want your dick in my ass, if you think about it. Besides, I told you, you didn’t have to come here, and you didn’t have to stay.”

“You’re right, you’re right, I wanted to,” Hyunsik admits. “I just have no idea where to start with this.”

“Clearly, neither do I, but there’s a first time for everything,” Ilhoon shrugs. “Tell me what your thoughts on this are, concerns aside.”

“What I think is you’re very cute and it’s starting to become a problem,” Hyunsik grins, and he hopes this makes Ilhoon blush a bit. (It does.) “If you want to give this a try, I’m saying I’m up for it.”

“Then, let’s shake on this arrangement,” Ilhoon smiles back, extending his hand. “We can become friends along the way.”

His grip is firm and it makes Hyunsik feel a sort of thrilling sensation run through him, despite not fully understanding what he’s gotten into. From his existing knowledge on the matter, what he gathers is that they’re going to be friends who have sex with each other, which also means he’s going to take Ilhoon’s virginity pretty soon, which is _exactly_ what he wanted to avoid last night, but he suddenly feels is alright to do so. The more he thinks about it, the less it makes any sense whatsoever, honestly. It’s as if Ilhoon has put a spell on him, that he’s making what he wants come true, but Hyunsik doesn’t wish for it to break. He wants this too.

“Do you wanna go grab breakfast?” Ilhoon asks, playing with Hyunsik’s fingers.

“Together?”

“Yeah.”

(Obviously.)

Ilhoon wants to go to McDonald’s, so that’s what they do. He tells Hyunsik he’s in the mood for a strawberry milkshake and he gets him one, as well as a cappuccino and chicken sandwich for himself, because they’ve already finished serving actual breakfast. They find a table in the corner downstairs where it’s quiet.

“Are you not hungry?” Hyunsik asks as he watches Ilhoon push a straw into his cup and stir it.

“Nope,” Ilhoon replies, then taking a long sip. “Which reminds me, is it true that eating fruit makes—” he leans forwards to whisper. “— _come_ —taste better?”

Hyunsik almost chokes on his chicken, “Um—well, I’ve never really tried to eat my own—”

“Oh,” Ilhoon says, slightly tilting his head backwards. “Have you only ever been with—”

“Yes.”

“That’s okay,” he reaches for his arm and his hands are freezing from his milkshake. “I’ve never been with anybody, but it’s not like it’s simple, although I’m suddenly glad I can get into clubs now. To be frank, I’m not much of a clubber, but I was somehow convinced to attend that sorry excuse of a Halloween night,” he rolls his eyes. “However, I suppose I got lucky on the first try, huh? You’re _actually_ good-looking and I’m very specific. Oh—sorry—I’m rambling but, anyway, that’s why you haven’t done anything with a guy before, right? It’s complicated.”

Hyunsik considers thanking Ilhoon for that possible compliment, but he simply asks, “Were you serious about being magic?”

It probably wasn’t difficult to guess, but Ilhoon taps the side of his nose regardless and Hyunsik assumes that seeing this is going to be pretty common. He’s asked when the last time he was in a relationship and the last time he partook in sexual activity (with another person, Ilhoon adds, not when he was last bored and alone in the shower) were and the answers are the same: quite a long, long while ago now. Ilhoon doesn’t believe Hyunsik at first – he’s still surprised that he’s actually single – but he insists it’s the truth. He stuffs the rest of his sandwich into his mouth so he doesn’t have to speak for about a minute, but Ilhoon watching him attentively with his straw between his lips has him tense anyway.

“It’s Sunday tomorrow. Are you free?” Ilhoon asks, leaning across the table again.

Hyunsik finishes chewing and swallows at last, “I should be.”

“Then, do you want to...” Ilhoon trails off while repeatedly drawing an imaginary circle on the table with the tip of his finger.

“If you’re referring to what I think you are and you definitely want to as well, of course.”

Ilhoon gives him his number and Hyunsik texts him a smiley face to give him his in return. Afterwards, they exchange schedules – Hyunsik works nine-to-five every weekday and Ilhoon has class four days a week for varying hours, but they’re both free on Saturdays and Sundays. Before parting ways, Ilhoon reminds Hyunsik to bring everything they need tomorrow afternoon because, actually, he has none of it so as it turns out they wouldn’t have been able to go that far last night either way. It all feels so haphazard, but the anticipation excites Hyunsik. There’s no denying that.

As he’s making his way back to his apartment, a message vibrates in telling him to make sure to eat fruit and plenty of it.

 

 

 

 

As planned, Hyunsik takes Ilhoon’s virginity the very next day. He’s waiting for Hyunsik at the gates outside of his dorm, takes him inside again and he’s wearing a big blue sweatshirt with tight jeans that make his legs look nothing but amazing, especially when they’re walking up the stairs. He tells Hyunsik to shut the door behind him, so he does just that.

“Should I lock it?” he asks once it latches.

“No one’s going to come in,” Ilhoon shrugs, already sitting on the bed. “You can if you want to.”

Hyunsik leaves it as if Ilhoon will think he’s uptight for doing otherwise, but he’s sure that’s not true – it seems that he doesn’t really care about anything like that, but Hyunsik reminds himself it’s too early to tell. He doesn’t _know_ him. It might be more fun this way though – the slight risk that one of Ilhoon’s neighbours could interrupt, despite the fact that he’s said he doesn’t talk to any of them, which only makes it even better because then Hyunsik feels safe knowing nobody will actually barge in while he’s balls deep inside of Ilhoon. However, the thought of it has him laughing to himself.

“What’s so funny?” Ilhoon asks, patting the space beside him on the mattress.

“Nothing,” Hyunsik sits, taking off his shoes afterwards and neatly placing them on the ground nearby.

His cool doesn’t last for long – he starts to sweat around the temples when Ilhoon gently places his hand on his thigh and leans in, as he does (and probably will a lot), and says in a quiet voice, “Have you got...”

“Yes,” Hyunsik produces a small bottle and packet from his jacket pocket, and Ilhoon snatches them from the palm of his hand so he can take a better look.

“Large?” he snorts, but he’s got a smug smile on his face so it’s not like he’s unhappy about it. “You never mentioned _that_.”

“It’s not like it’s something I advertise,” Hyunsik replies in a voice that’s supposed to sound like Ilhoon but comes out nothing like him at all. It earns him a shove that moves him barely an inch, although it seems that Ilhoon genuinely put in effort – it has Hyunsik giggling to which Ilhoon tells him, with his best I-am-mad voice and expression, to shut up before kissing him.

Ilhoon is eager – it’s easy to tell by the way he’s pushing his lips against Hyunsik’s, gripping at his sleeves with both hands, waiting to be pulled up into his lap. Like Hyunsik knows without being told, he gets what he wants straight away and comfortably drapes his arms over Hyunsik’s shoulders, only lifting them while he removes his jacket and pulls his t-shirt off over his head. Noticing Ilhoon’s pleased face as he’s scanning his bare torso, finally discovering what was hiding under there without a speck of disappointment, Hyunsik’s put directly on top of the world – he’s suddenly glad he hadn’t given up on working out when he had no one to show off to. He’s also liking what he’s seeing and he figures he should let Ilhoon know, so he’s told just how good he thinks he looks right now through warm air and a hushed voice up against his ear that Hyunsik hopes flusters him at least a bit, because he’d love to see those cheeks all beautiful and pink again. (And to be the cause.) It works far too well.

Hyunsik’s got one arm snaked around Ilhoon’s waist, the other hand reaching for the front of his jeans, but they’re so tight he doesn’t even know if he can get them off. He manages to unfasten the button, but lets himself get distracted when he feels Ilhoon’s hands clumsily grabbing at his pants too and he wants to help him. Ilhoon waits with his back resting against his propped up pillows while Hyunsik stands up and kicks them off.

“Nice view,” Ilhoon says, biting down on his bottom lip as he eyes Hyunsik’s entire body now.

“I try,” he shrugs with faux modesty, climbing back onto the bed after and kissing Ilhoon straight away. His hair is soft and silky in Hyunsik’s fingers and one of his hands is sneaking itself somewhere it’s never been before, which Hyunsik fully allows. Of course he does.

“H- _hyung_?” Ilhoon interrupts and he realises this is the first time he’s actually ever called Hyunsik that, but they’re becoming more than acquainted. “Um, do you want me to suck you off?”

“Hm?” Hyunsik recognises the uncertainty in his voice despite not having even spent a total of twenty-four whole hours with him yet. He sounds like he did when his nerves got to him the other night. “It’s alright if you’re hesitant about it. We can get around to that at a later date, how’s that sound?”

Ilhoon smiles earnestly and nods, then gazes down at his own jeans and back up at Hyunsik, expectant. He pulls them off with only as much force as needed – he just wants everything to be comfortable for Ilhoon, whatever it is. They drag away his underwear at the same time and what Hyunsik can see of them is that they’re polka dotted and cute, which he didn’t exactly predict, but is pleasantly surprised at the sight of them, then gets them both off from around Ilhoon’s ankles. Ilhoon takes his sweatshirt off himself once Hyunsik’s done, throws it across the floor, and the thin layer of sweat on his face and neck is making him glisten slightly in the dim sunlight coming through the window. He looks so perfect lying there, Hyunsik almost feels sorry that he’s going to get messed up very shortly. That doesn’t mean he’s going to stop though.

Hyunsik reaches for wherever he left that bottle before refocusing his attention on what, or rather who, matters the most to him here, “Ilhoon, in a way this is my first time at this too so I—well, I might make mistakes. Tell me if it hurts or if you want to stop, okay?”

“Okay,” he replies, giving Hyunsik’s wrist a light touch so that he knows for sure he will.

Ilhoon’s got his knees bent and thighs separated by Hyunsik’s palm, strong and keeping them apart. Half of the lube is gone, generously coating his fingers while his free hand holds Ilhoon steady by the underside of his thigh with the thumb gently rubbing his skin to soothe him throughout the whole process. He takes the time and utmost care to ensure Ilhoon’s as ready as he possibly can be.

Ilhoon remains fairly quiet for a while, although it may be thanks to the top of his wrist covering his mouth, but Hyunsik starts to hear muffled whines as he continues.

“ _Shit_ —I’m so sorry—does it hurt?”

Ilhoon shakes his head vigorously, “I-it’s just different to anything I’ve felt before.”

“Are you scared?”

“A tiny bit, but it’s fine,” he nods.

He urges Hyunsik to go onwards so he does until he’s being whispered at that it should be fine to progress, that he can’t wait any longer – words that have Hyunsik all warm in the pit of his stomach even though he supposes they’re pretty ordinary in any other context, but that’s exactly why they’re special right now.

“Could you get this on for me?” Hyunsik offers Ilhoon the condom packet with a nervous laugh. “My hands are a little slippery.”

Ilhoon tries his best and in the end does a rather decent job at it with his shaking hands, which Hyunsik lets him know – he wants to show him as much appreciation as he can to relieve any anxiety. He pushes back Ilhoon’s bangs and presses a small kiss to the side of his cheek before going any further. After emptying the rest of the bottle in an attempt to minimise potential pain, he then holds onto Ilhoon’s thigh again to keep him still as he eases the tip of his dick into him. It has Ilhoon exhale sharply, his nails dig at Hyunsik’s shoulders for a second, relaxing once he’s adjusted to the new width. Then, with as much caution as ever, Hyunsik pushes all the way inside.

Ilhoon is tight, tighter than Hyunsik had imagined, but he had nothing to base that on in the first place. He feels great though, he can’t deny that in the least, and he only hopes he feels just as good to Ilhoon so he asks him with a smile that’s somewhat smug.

He looks up at him, deep into his eyes (Hyunsik feels his heart quite literally skip one whole beat), and he’s trembling when he replies in a breathy voice, “Y-yes— _hyung_ —you feel amazing.”

It isn’t until Hyunsik starts to give Ilhoon what he actually wants that it really gets going. It’s slow-paced at the beginning, like if he rushes at all it’ll be ruined, but Ilhoon wants more, more, more and he knows it from his thighs squeezing at his waist, ensuring that he stays close. Hyunsik hoists Ilhoon by the hips to a better angle that’s more convenient for him and has noises leaving the back of Ilhoon’s throat he had never even dreamed of hearing when he was fast asleep the night before.

He develops a rhythm that alternates between sweet and steady to what’s best described as greedy, as if he has a fierce hunger he needs to fill up, but Ilhoon likes it. He _loves_ it. Hyunsik genuinely admires his determination when he puts in what’s left of his strength to keep his hips raised for him. He’s doing what he can and Hyunsik finds it far more endearing than he thinks he should during something like this.

By the time Hyunsik allows himself to release and Ilhoon tenses soon after, he’s clinging on hard to Hyunsik’s shoulders, fragments of words stuck to his tongue and he’s trying to get them out until he gives up, and all that leaves his mouth is the sound of breathlessness. He’s clearly exhausted, his hair in disarray with a narrow gap exposing his forehead, but truthfully Hyunsik still thinks he looks just as perfect as he did what feels like only moments ago. When he finally pulls out, Ilhoon remains lying there, his eyes sleepy but intently watching his every move nonetheless.

He sits up once Hyunsik removes the condom and asks, perhaps absurdly, but with a kind of innocence that reminds him he truly hasn’t done much of anything before, “Hyung, what does that _taste_ like?”

“Knock yourself out?” Hyunsik eventually replies after staring at Ilhoon blankly for a few seconds. Figuring he’d find out sooner or later, although he’s never been asked that and so directly before, hence why he’s taken aback by this, he hands it to him.

He dips a finger inside and dabs it onto the tip of his tongue. He scrunches his nose a bit at first, and as an afterthought decides it’s actually not that bad. Having satisfied his curiosity, he tries to kiss Hyunsik and while he doesn’t exactly want to taste it too, he hardly hesitates either. Like magic, Ilhoon can have anything he wants and Hyunsik lets him take it because he wants to give it all to him anyway, without any real reason. He starts to think he can see himself growing extremely fond him very quickly and, while he doesn’t know if that would be okay, he’s sure he can’t help it either. He’s already holding him in his cramped bed, Ilhoon half-lying on top of him, and it just feels so oddly right.

 

 

 

 

It’s been about two weeks now. They’re at Hyunsik’s place one evening, lying on his bed with only the bedside lamps switched on, Ilhoon’s head resting on his chest and his hair tickling his skin, Hyunsik’s arm around him because he wants to keep him close. Their skin is still slightly sticky from the sweat that’s starting to dry after the couple of hours they’ve just spent together – Ilhoon on his hands and knees taking Hyunsik from behind, then riding him out afterwards. Pretty standard. Once they’re done, it’s become a habit to stay like this for a while, talk a bit amongst themselves until they fall asleep or one dresses and leaves.

“Hyung, where exactly do you work?” Ilhoon asks without raising his head.

“Are you going to show up?” Hyunsik asks back.

“Mmm, what are the consequences if I do?” he continues and Hyunsik feels him place a hand on the exposed part of his chest. His touch is like adding oil to an already ignited flame, if a comparison has to be made.

“Nothing really, but it might be a little odd if everyone knows you’re looking for me.”

Ilhoon smirks and his tone is mischievous, “Why? Because I’m so beautiful and full of youth?”

“Something like that,” Hyunsik smiles at him.

“And did you just admit that you think I’m beautiful?”

“Yeah. Of course I do,” Hyunsik lets out a quiet, sheepish laugh, but he’s certain he means it. He assumes anyone who takes one look at Ilhoon can see it, and even if they don’t it doesn’t matter what they think. He knew he was gorgeous from the get-go under those dim lights when he had to squint to actually focus on him properly. Intuition, he calls it.

Hearing this, Ilhoon cuddles closer than he already was, “Do you have your own office?”

“No—well, kind of? Okay, no, we just have our own cubicles, but I take pride in mine. It’s very tidy,” Hyunsik replies, completely serious.

“So you have your own desk,” Ilhoon snorts. “You’re too funny.”

“You’re not disappointed, are you?”

“That you aren’t a CEO? No,” he says, then flashes a large grin at Hyunsik that already tells him he’s going to say something somewhat out there. He braces himself for it. “That you can’t fuck my brains out in an office? That’s a different story.”

“Sorry,” Hyunsik laughs, but at the back of his mind he suddenly wishes he could, as well as whisk Ilhoon off for rides in an expensive sports car during which they’ll find a place to park and get up to anything they feel like. Probably not in this lifetime though.

“Anyway, I’m not complaining,” Ilhoon shrugs, reaching for Hyunsik’s hand afterwards so he can thread his fingers between his and hold it. “I’m in this for the companionship, shall we call it. I’m enjoying this time spent with you.”

“I like getting to know you too,” he says and Ilhoon releases one of those airy laughs from his nose before shifting himself on top of Hyunsik, their chests now pressed together. He’s a comfortable weight – at this point Hyunsik knows from how many times Ilhoon has sat on him or he’s helped lift him.

“Hyung, I won’t turn up out of the blue, but can I call you while you’re at work?” Ilhoon casually asks. “Like, when you’re on a break.”

“I suppose? My lunchtime is for an hour at one in the afternoon. If I get any other breaks, I can let you know,” Hyunsik offers.

“Cool. I’ll try to make things more interesting for you.”

“In what way?” Hyunsik asks, interest piqued and his fingers lightly brushing along Ilhoon’s back. His skin is smooth against his own and he loves how it feels.

“I think you can guess, but you’ll see. Or hear,” Ilhoon says, climbing off of Hyunsik and scanning the room for his clothes so he can gather them and get dressed again.

Once he’s gone, Hyunsik takes a long, warm shower and while the water’s pouring over his head he thinks it’s kind of funny how much more exciting it is to wake up every morning now. Although he’s always enjoyed making the journey to work so he can see the trees, the sky and all of those things he has an I-love-the-entire-world fondness for, they’ve never been _fun_. Ilhoon brings him that and, for as long as this lasts, Hyunsik doesn’t think he’ll get used to it in a bad way (meaning: tire of it). To Hyunsik, it already feels like more than lust.

Ilhoon doesn’t call straight away at the nearest possible opportunity, but Hyunsik is expectant. He does so a few days later as more of a surprise when Hyunsik has barely left his desk yet, and he stumbles off somewhere a bit more private to answer him.

“Hi, hyung,” Ilhoon’s voice greets him over the line.

“Ilhoon? Hey, how are you?” Hyunsik asks, glad to hear from him after four whole hours of boredom. “Are you on campus?”

“I’m good, and nope. I’m in my room,” he says and Hyunsik thinks he hears him roll over on his bed before continuing. “Did you know that you left your hoodie here last night?”

“Shit—yeah, that’s right. Should I go see you tonight or do you want to come over?”

“Mm, I’m in the mood for your place,” Ilhoon replies and he’s trying to be coy. “Anyway, are you alone at the moment?”

Hyunsik lowers his voice, “Not really, but should I be?”

“Yes, find somewhere like a bathroom or whatever now.”

Hyunsik hurriedly does as he says. He locks himself in an isolated room with one toilet, a basin and not much else – it’s cramped and he isn’t certain if it’s actually that soundproof, but he can’t come up with a better place to go. Not here, anyway. He sits on the closed seat and waits for Ilhoon to say something.

“Just listen to me,” he instructs and Hyunsik follows.

There’s the faint sound of Ilhoon shifting against the bedsheets like he’s readjusting himself, a gentle laughter mixed in, and then it stops. Hyunsik hears his voice again, telling him that his jacket smells exactly like him which is, note, a very good thing and asking if he’d like to find out the extent of how much he thinks that. Of course Hyunsik does.

“I’m wearing it,” Ilhoon says, then lets out an exaggerated sigh. “I wish you were here with me.”

“Let me know in another way,” Hyunsik replies and he’s worried someone other than the two of them is listening, sure, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to disappoint Ilhoon by backing out.

He quietly snickers on the other side, “I was _going_ to get there, but okay.”

For the next few seconds there’s silence. Once they pass, Ilhoon’s breath is coming through the speaker and when it hits Hyunsik’s ear he can almost feel it against his skin. It’s steady and even at first, but gradually builds up until it’s quick and resembles a collection of inconsistent gasps that makes blood rush around Hyunsik’s head (and elsewhere). He pictures Ilhoon alone on his bed with his back resting on the wall beside it, one leg bent and the other laid flat and his hand down the front of his unbuttoned jeans, or perhaps he’s supporting himself with his elbows as his back arches and his face buries deeper into his pillow – images that have Hyunsik’s mind positively spinning.

“H- _hyung_ —I—” Ilhoon cuts himself off with a single, strained cry, but it sounds so pleasing to Hyunsik accompanied by his attempts to regain his breath afterwards. His day has absolutely been made.

“You were perfect,” Hyunsik grins although he can’t see it. It doesn’t matter because this is precisely what he thinks and most likely what Ilhoon wants to hear.

Before heading for his actual lunch, they agree to meet as soon as possible when Hyunsik’s finished work – he literally can’t wait and Ilhoon says he can’t either. (One more thing before he exits the bathroom: he shamefully has to deal with what Ilhoon has caused first.) Until it’s evening, Hyunsik continues going about his day as usual – typing, filing, making calls to people who are far less interesting than Ilhoon and it’s even more evident just how boring they are now. It’s alright though, because once he’s home he’ll be able to tangle his fingers in Ilhoon’s hair, kiss him, and simply be with him again. It could be dangerous how much Hyunsik enjoys spending time with him, but he’s going to grab everything that’s offered to him while he can – deep inside he doesn’t want an expiration date. Not yet.

Later, Ilhoon turns up wearing Hyunsik’s hoodie again and he thinks it looks better on him than it does on its actual owner.

 

 

 

 

It’s already December and Hyunsik thinks it’s because of Ilhoon that the days fly by so rapidly now (actually, he’s almost certain about it). He isn’t sure when, but he’s started to call him ‘Hoonie’ every so often and it’s just stuck because it came to him so naturally, has a pleasant ring to it. It has Ilhoon turn into a shy, blushing mess in slight denial (he gives up pretty quickly) whenever he tries to make Hyunsik beg or he pretends that he’s mad when he’s being teased, which only continues until he’s climbing onto Hyunsik’s lap, kissing him so he shuts up at last. On the flip side, Ilhoon loves to look into Hyunsik’s face because he feels like it and, whenever he does, Hyunsik’s eyes turn away like a reflex. People do that when they have a crush, don’t they? Or when somebody’s a stranger and they don’t want to be rude, but Hyunsik wouldn’t exactly consider Ilhoon one anymore.

He knows what this means and he’s such a damn fool for it.

Sometimes they eat together before or after they head to either of their beds (or Hyunsik’s couch, or his kitchen which is a recent addition to spots that provide decent surfaces for engaging in certain activities). It’s a relatively new thing for them, although Hyunsik’s been sitting on the idea of it for the short while they’ve known each other. It first happened when Ilhoon casually mentioned being hungry while sprawled out on his mattress and Hyunsik, being Hyunsik, offered to take him to dinner. It wasn’t overly fancy, but he allowed himself to splurge a bit so it wasn’t some takeout either (that’s not to say he wouldn’t love to share one with him too). In a way it felt like a _date_ , although he shook the thought in case the lines began to blur and he grew feelings he thinks he shouldn’t have. Sadly, it didn’t necessarily work and neither does it each time he’s tried after that. The feelings are already there so they’re only becoming bigger, really.

While at a small café one afternoon, Ilhoon guessed Hyunsik’s favourite colour on his first attempt. As he watched him ask, nonchalantly, “Is it red?” followed by the way his face lit up brighter than probably at least ten suns when he told him he was right, he knew there and then that this boy was transforming his life and it feels so silly like he’s back in high school, but at the exact same time incredible. Even, well, magic. The thing is is that Hyunsik didn’t have a favourite colour until that moment – he’s always thought they were all beautiful in their own ways because he’s sentimental like that – but he hasn’t seen red the same way ever since. He’s falling fast and he doesn’t know how to stop.

But how can he whenever Ilhoon texts him those hearts he likes to use or another photo of himself, sometimes clothed and sometimes not, making a face that Hyunsik finds cute whether it’s a frown or a one-sided smile. _i like to take pictures of myself_ he had sent, _and i like being able to show them off_ , but all of this is what Hyunsik used to go through the last time he was somebody’s boyfriend and it’s confusing him.

Like in those previous experiences, Hyunsik has noticed things about Ilhoon he kind of hopes, with a tiny, little part of him, that hardly anybody else is aware of. For one, his right ear is torn – it’s rather visible so perhaps not that – and when he asked how it came to be like this, Ilhoon said his original piercing got caught in an unfortunate accident. To deal with it once it healed up, he decided to pierce either side of the scar, which Hyunsik was absolutely amazed to hear. What he is certain the majority of people don’t know, however, is that while Ilhoon has a line of freckles on the side of his face, he also has another on his inner thigh. Hyunsik trails his finger along it sometimes and Ilhoon revels in his touch. It’s like their secret, he said to Hyunsik, and that makes it seem so special.

Ilhoon is heading home soon for Christmas, but as it turns out his house isn’t that far so they can still meet up, albeit less frequently. The distance between it and Hyunsik’s apartment is around the same as that of his dorm – they’re simply in different directions. During the last evening before he temporarily moves back, the two of them are lying on his cramped bed they’ve gotten used to fitting on together, and he turns to Hyunsik to ask if he’d consider staying the night and helping him carry his bags the following morning because he’s not exactly the strongest person on Earth.

As if he’d say no (especially when Ilhoon was giving him the greatest head he’s ever received in his entire life only moments ago – he’s gotten _pretty_ good at it).

They see each other a couple of times during the holidays, only at Hyunsik’s place so far because Ilhoon’s family is around, but he’s being invited over if he’s interested.

“Yeah, they’re going to be at home, but it’ll be fine. I’ll tell them you’re my tutor or something,” Ilhoon says over the phone.

“Knowing what we do whenever we meet, that honestly sounds filthy,” Hyunsik laughs.

“I mean, it’s a little bit true, isn’t it.”

Hyunsik supposes it is, although kind of strange to think about it like that. He agrees to visit regardless and they decide on an afternoon during the weekend before Christmas. When it arrives, Hyunsik knocks on the door of the address he was given which is answered by, who he assumes is, Ilhoon’s mother. There’s such a strong resemblance between them he’s astonished.

“Ah, you must be here to see Ilhoon?” she asks, letting him in.

“Yes,” he nods, then politely extending an arm. (It’s second nature to him.) “I’m Hyunsik. It’s a pleasure.”

“The pleasure’s all ours,” she shakes his hand. “I’m sorry to have you come out here at this time of the year.”

“It’s no problem,” he smiles, suddenly feeling guilty that she’s apologising and thinking that he’s going to be providing some sort of enhancement to Ilhoon’s studies when, in reality, he’s just going to fuck him while she’s still home.

Hyunsik hears the television playing a noisy commercial in the distance and when he turns to face it, he sees Ilhoon across the room, sitting on the couch, and he’s got light brown hair now that suits him as well as blonde. He’s giving Hyunsik a _look_. It’s telling him that he’s been waiting and he’s glad he’s finally here. He gets up and walks towards the entrance of the staircase.

“My room is up here,” Ilhoon says, starting to head off. Hyunsik follows him all the way there.

Ilhoon’s room isn’t particularly huge, but it’s definitely not as small as the one back at his dorm either. The bed has more space too which should hopefully prove useful very shortly, although they’re used to making the most of confined areas as well. However, there’s a pile of clothing aimlessly strewed over it. Ilhoon shoves it onto the chair behind his desk just as clumsily when he notices Hyunsik staring at it. Afterwards, he immediately goes to start kissing Hyunsik, arms around his neck and teeth against his bottom lip, tugging at it because he knows it’s what he likes – an obvious desire for him. It gets him every time. Hyunsik takes one step backwards, two, three, and then his back lands on the mattress followed by Ilhoon on top of him, giggling.

“You don’t know how much I’ve been looking forward to this,” he says with a cunning smile when he slips his thigh between Hyunsik’s.

“Show me,” Hyunsik replies, hand already on his ass.

He supports himself by his elbow so he’s no longer lying flat, and the fingers on his other hand are being drawn up and brought towards Ilhoon’s lips, pushed past them into his mouth. It’s warm and wet, his tongue soft as it swirls around them, then he leans down and kisses Hyunsik again, deeper than before with increasing friction against his crotch. It’s getting him hard at an alarming rate.

By the time their clothes are laid out across the floor, they’ve almost forgotten there are noise restrictions today (Ilhoon finds it easy to be loud now) until they suddenly notice the sound of footsteps walking up the stairs and they both freeze on the spot, Hyunsik’s fingers inside Ilhoon and everything because it’s been a longer while than usual since they last met. They hear whoever it is (Ilhoon’s mom, most likely) pass by the room, disappear into the distance, then return and head back downstairs. Ilhoon stops holding his breath and lets out a huge sigh of relief that Hyunsik feels, hot against his chest, and they continue from where they left off.

For the most part, Hyunsik is the only one talking throughout this – gentle whispers to ensure Ilhoon remains comfortable and fully appreciated because he adores him and the things he does very much, and he should know that. He thrives in praises. He finally says something while Hyunsik’s digging through his bag for a shiny packet they’re both familiar with now.

“Ah, hyung?” Ilhoon perks up. “Is it alright if we maybe don’t use one today. I’m worried someone will find it.”

Hyunsik looks over to him, “Are you sure? I could just throw it away when I get home.”

“It’s fine. Truthfully, I’m curious about—well—how it feels if you...” he trails off.

“If I?” Hyunsik asks with a pretend oblivion and the smile he uses whenever he wants to play around with Ilhoon.

“If you come inside of me, obviously,” he rolls his eyes.

And Ilhoon’s wish is Hyunsik’s command – as always – but Hyunsik takes the extra precaution he should. The lube is cool on his skin and he’s thorough with the application (not that he ever skims over this part, because hurting Ilhoon is one thing he’s realised he probably dreads the most now). He eases himself inside and it feels slightly different, but in a positive way, of course. He thinks it feels better, actually.

But Hyunsik pauses a few minutes later when the creaking of Ilhoon’s bed and the frame hitting the wall start to become a bit of a problem.

“Hoonie?” he quietly calls out. “What should we do about this?”

“The floor,” he manages to reply.

So now here they are: Ilhoon on his knees and Hyunsik right behind him, fully knowing that they’ll be sore for days to come with the way they’re rubbing against the floorboards. Using a pillow was an initial suggestion, but it had Ilhoon sliding in every direction possible when they tried – not ideal. While Hyunsik was thinking about how to avoid causing Ilhoon unnecessary pain only moments ago, all of a sudden it’s the lesser of two evils and neither of them are willing to stop. Besides, Ilhoon around him feels out of this world.

At a certain point Ilhoon is always bound to get noisier and ordinarily Hyunsik lets him, sure he does, but they can’t risk it this time. He has one arm wrapped around the front of Ilhoon’s hips and the other hand reaching further forwards, cupping his mouth, and when he glances to the side at the full-length mirror by the wall it looks more vulgar than he had imagined. Ilhoon though, he’s ridiculously _pretty_ like this with his ass in the air, back in an oddly elegant curve and elbows on the ground. Hyunsik, as usual, is pretty amazed. (And elated that Ilhoon constantly allows him—no, _wants_ him—to turn him into a mess.)

As Hyunsik pulls himself out just to push back in again with a bit of added force, he involuntarily breathes warm air against Ilhoon’s shoulder who responds by whining something – he thinks it could resemble _hyung_ – but it’s muffled by his fingers. It still sounds kind of perfect to Hyunsik, whatever it is. He thrusts into him harder so he can hear some more, and what he wants he receives.

Ilhoon gets on top of Hyunsik when his knees have become too raw and pink to continue like that. He lowers himself carefully, using Hyunsik’s shoulders as support until he’s fully sitting on his dick with a long, drawn-out gasp. Ilhoon makes it his responsibility to keep his mouth covered, one hand held firmly over it, while the other steadies himself with the help of Hyunsik as he rides him nice and slow to start off with. But when he begins to get more needy, more desperate for Hyunsik, both hands automatically try to shut himself up because one slip and it’s game over. Watching Ilhoon put in so much effort to continue that he’s in literal awe of his perseverance, Hyunsik takes the initiative to grab him by the hips and fuck upwards into him.

This far into their relationship, Hyunsik also easily recognises when Ilhoon is reaching the point when he soon won’t be able to take it anymore. That’s about right now, so he reaches down, curls his fingers and gets a good grip before stroking Ilhoon from base to tip, all the while still bucking into him until he finally comes, a warmth spilling inside of Ilhoon who then follows, tightening around Hyunsik more intensely than he thinks he ever has. He’s shuddering uncontrollably in Hyunsik’s arms, and he’s holding Ilhoon close and he tells him in a hushed voice, “I’ve got you.”

Once they’re all tidied up and clothed again, they lie sideways on Ilhoon’s bed, legs hanging off the edge. Hyunsik’s got Ilhoon’s hand in his, like he does every time they’ve finished, and even now he’s surprised how well they fit together, as used to it as he’s gotten.

“What do you think would’ve happened if your mom had walked in?” Hyunsik asks.

Ilhoon turns from the ceiling to face him, and shrugs, “She might have passed out, I suppose, but she’d have to commend my taste.”

Hyunsik decides he should leave before it gets too late when it’s nearing the evening. Although he was hesitant about doing so earlier, he gives Ilhoon a neatly wrapped gift he was keeping in his bag. It’s not quite Christmas, but he insists he can open it already if he wants to, which he does because he can’t wait. It’s a book Ilhoon has mentioned being interested in reading in passing that stuck with Hyunsik, and Ilhoon’s pleasantly surprised to see it underneath the ribbon and paper.

“Hyung, thank you,” he grins, separating his arms for a hug.

He apologises for not getting Hyunsik anything in return because he didn’t even expect to receive a gift at all, but it’s okay, he doesn’t mind. Being able to visit today was enough and, if they couldn’t meet, it still would have been fine to him. Hyunsik never wants to take more than what Ilhoon offers him at any given time – it’s not like that.

Ilhoon fixes Hyunsik’s hair for him before they exit his room, and that in itself is like a present to him, although he knows it's essentially so nobody suspects a thing.

When they head downstairs, both Ilhoon’s mom and his older sister, who he’s brought up in conversation maybe once or twice before and looks even more like him, are sitting in the living room. His mom thanks Hyunsik for giving up a portion of his day to assisting Ilhoon and having the patience to do so, and he thanks her for having him here and insists it’s no bother (and, God, it’s weird putting up an act and lying to her face). He flashes her a bright smile and he prays hard that it doesn’t look like _I just fucked your son and he loved it_. He politely excuses himself and Ilhoon lets him out so he can make the journey back to his own home.

He receives a call while eating dinner alone in his apartment.

“My mom was talking about you,” is the first thing Ilhoon says after hello. “She said you’re very well-mannered. And handsome.”

“That’s kind of her,” Hyunsik laughs after swallowing some of his ramen.

“Mhm, I told her you’ve helped me a lot so you’re definitely welcome again.”

“One more time before the New Year then?”

“Sounds like a plan. See you next week,” Ilhoon replies, enthusiastic, before hanging up.

 

 

 

 

The first meeting in January is during the weekend at the café they frequent the most. It’s to eat, not that other stuff of course, with Hyunsik’s mouth full of pasta and Ilhoon across the table, blowing at his steaming hot soup before drinking it. As someone who tends to look pretty great in general, he’s particularly stunning today in an oversized cream sweater, the cuffs of its sleeves falling halfway along his hands, and several silver rings on his fingers. When they’re interlaced, his chin is resting on top of them and he looks over to Hyunsik, he seems so sweet it makes Hyunsik all weak inside. He can’t help but smile at him widely.

“What?” Ilhoon asks, snickering as he drops his arms onto the table.

“Nothing,” Hyunsik shakes his head, still grinning with his eyes almost closed.

Ilhoon leans forwards, “Tell me.”

“It’s just— _you_ ,” and what he wants to add onto that is _because I like you so much_ , but he keeps his mouth shut before it tries to run away.

“I’m funny?” Ilhoon raises an eyebrow.

“No, not that. It doesn’t matter.”

“If you say so,” he snorts, returning his attention to his soup and there’s the tiniest smile nearly hiding itself, but Hyunsik can see it. He sees it, and he loves it and the way it has him feeling.

Once they’re finished, they take the short walk to Hyunsik’s apartment. It’s freezing outside, a bit of light snow falling at the moment, and Ilhoon’s shoulder is pressed into Hyunsik’s (not the other way round – Ilhoon is the one making it his responsibility to stay this close, but Hyunsik isn’t complaining). He seems so lovely when he’s staring at Hyunsik with snowflakes that have landed on his eyelashes and his scarf wrapped over his chin. Hyunsik has the urge to kiss him, and he would if they weren’t surrounded by crowds of people doing their post-Christmas shopping. Unfortunately, they have to continue moving.

There’s a joint sigh of relief as soon as they’re indoors and safe from the cold, and another when they’re past Hyunsik’s front door.

“Hyung,” Ilhoon turns to him while they’re sitting on the couch together before anything else. “I want to know, what _exactly_ turns you on? Be specific.”

“Hm? Let’s see,” Hyunsik pauses to think. “Well, I enjoy everything you do, to be completely honest, but if I have to pinpoint—I don’t know—I really like the way you kiss?”

“Yeah?” Ilhoon perks up.

“Yeah. I would have never suspected that I was your first,” Hyunsik sneaks his arm around Ilhoon’s back and holds him by the waist. He lowers his voice against his ear. “And I love how hard you work, the sounds you make. For me.”

“O-okay—” Ilhoon stutters, but he doesn’t budge an inch away from him. “Okay—but do you know what I like?”

“I don’t know, Ilhoon, what do you like?” Hyunsik humours him.

“Being told ‘I love you’,” he says, deadpan, then nothing. He’s staring deep into Hyunsik’s eyes like he’s waiting for him to say something, but he can’t think of what, as much as he wants to respond. He thinks Ilhoon is playing around, and he’s even more uncertain when his mouth suddenly turns into that smirk he knows too well now. “I’m kidding.”

Hyunsik doesn’t know what to say after that either, but it’s alright because clothes off and lips against each other moments later and there’s no longer room for conversation.

They make it to the bed and Hyunsik swears he’s not just imagining it, but Ilhoon seems to be kissing him so much more today and he was telling the truth – he adores it. And he does when Ilhoon’s on top of him, putting everything he can into lifting his hips and sinking them down again, skin slick from his own determination. For a second, Hyunsik almost lets a love declaration slip out by accident as he’s about to come inside of Ilhoon, but there’s no way he’d be prepared to explain it once they’re done. Not to mention that the timing is a bit questionable. If he wants to say it at all, he at least wants it to seem sincere.

While they’re lying under the covers afterwards, Ilhoon casually muses that he’s hungry, having left a quarter or third of his soup untouched back at the café.

“What are you in the mood to eat?” Hyunsik asks, keeping him warm in his arms.

Ilhoon shrugs, “Chicken nuggets?”

“Okay, hyung will go get some for you.”

“Oh? Really?” Ilhoon sits up and stares at him. “I wasn’t being serious if you have to go out.”

“McDonald’s is around the corner. Don’t worry about it,” Hyunsik insists, rolling out of bed so he can find his clothes and get dressed.

“Ah, yes, where we had our first date,” Ilhoon jokes with a satisfied smile.

Hyunsik’s back again in less than fifteen minutes. While out, he spent the majority of the time wondering what Ilhoon was doing once alone in his apartment – the first instance he’d ever been left there by himself. He initially worried that he’d snoop through his belongings, but the more he thought about it the more he realised he wouldn’t actually care if he did. When he opens the front door, Ilhoon is sitting at his dining table half-dressed (Hyunsik can see he’s wearing his sweater again, but also his bare legs underneath that he had his hands all over not even an hour ago).

“Hello,” Ilhoon says, crossing one leg over and Hyunsik can’t tell if he’s put his underwear back on. He had never toyed around with the idea of coming home to Ilhoon before, but experiencing this, he’s suddenly liking it a lot.

“Hey,” he replies, approaching Ilhoon and placing the brown paper bag on the table in front of him.

Ilhoon digs through it straight away. When Hyunsik’s taken a seat opposite him, he’s already pulled out the box and started peeling back the foil lid of the barbecue sauce. It isn’t until his mouth is stuffed that he gives him a difficult to decipher ‘thank you’, but Hyunsik could tell how appreciative he is without saying so – it’s the eagerness that always lets him know.

“Want one?” Ilhoon offers as a later thought.

Hyunsik opens his mouth and lets it hang to see if Ilhoon will go along with him. He waves a hand over to Hyunsik at first, tries to trick him into thinking he’s going to shove him, but he pulls back with a quiet laugh then feeds him. Obviously, Hyunsik loves it. And he loves the two of them, together like this, as well.

For as long as Hyunsik’s known Ilhoon, he’s never considered him a particularly big eater, but he empties the box effortlessly and he’s now sucking the grease from his fingers. After that, he doesn’t speak. Instead, he’s decided he’d prefer to sit there and, with his head tilted, blink at Hyunsik with a small smile across his face (which seems to be a bigger one that he’s attempting to keep compressed). Hyunsik feels his leg lightly brush against his, Ilhoon still staring straight ahead at him and he could be expecting a response, but all of a sudden he’s struggling to figure out what it is he’s asking for.

“I want you,” Ilhoon pauses and Hyunsik swallows hard from just hearing three simple words. “To come see me tomorrow evening, okay?”

“Okay,” he replies, somehow maintaining his composure but, God, Ilhoon’s got a spell on him for sure.

Before they say goodbye, Ilhoon gives Hyunsik a long kiss as if they’re parting for more than a day. He says it’s another thank you, that he was so surprised he’d run out for him like that, because he doesn’t think his own family would even do that over such a minor request. Whenever Ilhoon is like this Hyunsik wishes he could have him stay, and more so that he would have a good reason for it, but tomorrow’s a Monday and they’ve got the boring part of their lives to return to before allowing themselves to indulge again.

 

 

 

 

It’s Valentine’s Day and, to Hyunsik, something feels very odd about the thought of not doing a little extra for Ilhoon. He reminds himself they’re not dating, no, but it always seems so on the fence that it couldn’t hurt to make the effort. There are friends who give each other gifts too, aren’t there? But he supposes most don’t also sleep together on a regular basis.

However, the thing is lately they don’t always do that. There are times when they only talk, hold each other, kiss as well, and it’s fine. Of course it is. They leave their clothes on and enjoy it just as much, but that’s when it feels like they’re an actual couple. That’s when it really feels like the lines are blurring and it gets confusing, because it’s not just sex anymore.

Hyunsik’s standing in a shop, browsing long and hard at some earrings to determine which he reckons would look the best on Ilhoon. When he’s asked if he needs any help, he’s kind of embarrassed about it, especially because he’s been in here for a while now. In the end, he decides on the ones he was drawn to first.

Ilhoon is glowing when Hyunsik opens his front door and he’s certain it’s not simply because he’s hook, line and sinker in love.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he says, pressing a tiny kiss to Hyunsik’s cheek before he’s even stepped inside.

After taking a seat on the couch, Ilhoon sets his bag aside and it’s a noticeably larger one than usual, if he brings one at all, but he doesn’t touch it again. Before the two of them get started, Hyunsik pulls out the small box he’s been hiding and surprises Ilhoon.

He takes it into his hands, “What’s this?”

“A little something for you,” Hyunsik replies, trying to play this off as a casual gesture in case he makes a total fool out of himself. “I don’t know, I just felt like I should have.”

“Oh— _wow_ —for me? That’s very considerate of you, thank you,” he carefully opens it to reveal not a pair, but three earrings for each of his piercings. His entire face lights up at the sight of them. “Hyung, you’re seriously the best.”

Ilhoon looks off to the side for a second, then straight back at Hyunsik and he kisses him exactly how he knows he likes it: soft – that’s the keyword – with one hand gently pushing back his hair and the other firm on his thigh as he leans in closer. Ilhoon pulls away just when Hyunsik’s fully into it, when he’s kissing back just as eagerly so he’ll follow his lips and take over. And he always falls for it, but he’d never dream of resisting anyway when Ilhoon’s so inviting. He gets worked up as soon as Hyunsik’s mouth touches his neck, uneven breathing near Hyunsik’s ear when he starts to suck a bruise onto the smooth expanse of skin at the side. Hyunsik knows everyone will see it and that only makes it better, really. That, and knowing he’s responsible.

When they finally progress to Ilhoon getting onto his knees, his lips are already swollen, an even deeper pink than they normally are and they’re glossy with spit. He licks the short stream of pre-come from the bottom of it, right up to the slit of Hyunsik’s dick. After pressing an open-mouthed kiss to the tip, Ilhoon wraps his lips around it and sucks, his tongue warm and wet against Hyunsik’s skin.

He looks up when Hyunsik cups the side of his face and their eyes meet. It has Hyunsik’s heart falter, drop in his chest, because Ilhoon’s cheeks are so gorgeously flushed right now, he almost questions if this is real. But it is, and he goes on to affectionately stroke his hair – his perfect hair that he ruins over and over again – and he assures him he’s doing an incredible job. It somehow gets even more incredible when Ilhoon manages to take in the whole length of his dick and starts to make swallowing motions that increase the pressure against the tip.

It’s by accident that Hyunsik jerks into Ilhoon’s mouth – a reflex, perhaps – and he’s so sorry when he notices his eyes water a little. He tells him repeatedly, continues caressing his hair to soothe him, but something like that isn’t enough to stop Ilhoon. Hyunsik feels guilty about it, but the muffled groan that came from the back of Ilhoon’s throat just then only made him want to fuck into it and he’s trying all he can to keep himself from doing so. He finds some restraint when he reminds himself of the effort Ilhoon is putting into this, how he can’t get greedy and let it go to waste. Besides, it’s quite a sight – Ilhoon’s lips stretched to fit around him as if they were specifically made to, his eyelashes fluttering whenever he looks up at him then hurriedly back down again, and his overall zealousness, honestly.

Hyunsik had predicted it, but nothing could prepare him for when he eventually comes into Ilhoon’s mouth, a heat spilling inside and he takes it so well. He always does. He allows Hyunsik to ride it all out, and once he’s done he helps Ilhoon up, his knees bound to be numb at this point. When he sits on the couch, there’s a small droplet rolling down his chin and Hyunsik wipes it away for him with his thumb. He’d hate to get his clothes dirty.

They’re in the bedroom a few moments later and as used to it as they are now, it never really gets boring. While Hyunsik tends to feel as if Ilhoon truly gives one hundred percent on most days, this evening it’s more like one hundred and ten. He supposes it’s for the occasion, but he wonders about it.

“Is something the matter?” Ilhoon asks when he notices Hyunsik in a slight daze.

“Oh—no, not at all,” he says, leaning down for a kiss and Ilhoon draws him in close, his fingertips so light to the touch that Hyunsik knows he cares. He genuinely does.

Not long after, Hyunsik’s eased himself inside of Ilhoon and he’s ensuring that he’s comfortable. He takes his hand, and Ilhoon’s staring up at him with his eyes wide and glistening, and Hyunsik is so purely enamoured by him lying there – he’s probably the most breathtaking person he’s ever seen and he still thinks so whenever they meet. Sometimes it’s like he has tunnel vision. He searches for him in crowds of people he knows he isn’t amongst, when he wakes up he thinks he’ll be on the left side of his bed with the sunlight falling across his skin. It’s kind of ridiculous.

“H-hyung? Why are you staring at me like that?” Ilhoon interrupts his line of thought.

“You—you just look really good,” Hyunsik stammers.

And Ilhoon smiles like that’s the best thing he’s heard in his entire life. And Hyunsik’s heart completely melts right there and then. There’s no denying he wants Ilhoon to be his anymore and, if God is listening in, he’d like to have a word as soon as possible because he is so fucked.

And so is Ilhoon, but in a very different way.

He spreads his thighs further apart for Hyunsik, raises his hips the tiniest bit higher, but it somehow makes a difference. It’s noticeable by the way his voice gets louder and Hyunsik wants to hear it, all of it.

Nothing beats when Ilhoon finally lets out that one high-pitched moan though, the one that has him clawing and grabbing at Hyunsik’s arms, shoulders, whatever he can get a hold of as he revels in the waves of literal pleasure rushing through his body. Once it’s over, he’s lying still with his eyes closed, his eyelashes fanned out and cheekbones highlighted by sweat as Hyunsik carefully pulls out. He’d think Ilhoon had passed out if not for his heaving chest trying to return his breathing to normal, and once it’s almost there he slowly opens his eyes to see Hyunsik watching over him with a kind smile.

“Are you alright?” he asks in a gentle voice just to be certain.

“Y-yeah,” Ilhoon nods, then Hyunsik kisses him in case he’s only saying that.

He looks after Ilhoon for a while like he always does. He shuffles by his side, wraps his arm around and pulls him close until they're not even a millimetre apart anymore. Ilhoon’s skin is warm and Hyunsik’s is hot, and hotter yet like this, but he wants it to be. He wants to hold Ilhoon while he can.

“Are you hungry?” he wonders out loud.

“I’m good,” Ilhoon replies, resting his head against the side of his neck. He cozies himself up to Hyunsik, fingers lightly creeping their way along his stomach until they find a place to stop at his chest.

Hyunsik should be used to this by now. Actually, he _knows_ he is, but each time Ilhoon touches him, whenever he takes it upon himself to do so for what he assumes is because he simply feels like it, it has him happier than he thinks he should be in an instant. This is how it is to have a, dare he ever refer to it as such, _crush_. He knows that too, but it’s not like the people he felt this way about in the past would casually kiss him on a regular basis. If they touched him it was for nothing major, if there was a reason or meaning at all, and now it’s holding hands, straight up making out and receiving calls before bed because Ilhoon wants to say hello and goodnight.

At least he could tell if someone liked him back then. The more Hyunsik continues to overthink it, the more difficult it seems when these gestures are already ordinary to the two of them. He wishes he wasn’t always so caught up in his own emotions. He’s rather sappy, honestly.

After they both get dressed, Hyunsik excuses himself for a brief trip to the bathroom. When he’s done, he expects Ilhoon to be lounging on the couch like it’s own, but instead he’s hovering by the front door.

“I have to go,” he says and Hyunsik realises it’s gotten later than he had thought.

“Ah, of course,” he says, walking over to him. “Let me know when you’re back at your dorm, okay? It’s dark out.”

“I will,” Ilhoon adjusts the strap of his bag on his shoulder, and he’s gone less than a minute later.

As Hyunsik turns around to go switch on the television, he notices something on his couch that’s not usually there. He gets nearer to take a better look at it, and it’s a cushion. Not just that, it’s a Mickey Mouse cushion in the shape of his head with his two ears sticking out of the top. He’s Hyunsik’s favourite character, but he’s never brought this up before because he’s a grown man and he feels kind of silly about it sometimes – that only means Ilhoon has been pretty observant. He must have seen his keyring, the apron hanging in his kitchen even though he’s never worn it around him before, and maybe even the cup he uses to rinse his mouth after brushing his teeth. While Ilhoon likes to point out a lot of things, he’s never mentioned anything that would have led Hyunsik to believe he was fully aware of his probably not-so-secret love. But he reminds himself that this is Ilhoon, after all, and he has a knack for knowing stuff without asking.

“Oh, hello. I’m safely home,” Ilhoon answers when Hyunsik picks up on the first ring.

“I’m glad to hear,” he replies, then pauses to decide on how to turn the conversation onto a certain gift. “I noticed you left something at my place.”

“I, yeah, I did,” Ilhoon says and it seems to be one of those rare moments when he’s at a slight loss for words. “I still felt bad about Christmas, but I was too shy to even give it to you, I guess. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay, just—thank you so much. I’m really touched,” Hyunsik tells him and he’s being completely sincere, although he wishes he could show his gratitude in a better way right now. “How did you know?”

“Maybe it’s magic,” Ilhoon jokes with a snicker, then his tone changes into a more serious one. “Or I’m weirdly invested in picking up things about you.”

“From anyone else, I’m not sure if that would be a statement I’d like to hear,” Hyunsik laughs, and Ilhoon isn’t anyone else. Not by far.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he replies.

“You’re really kind, Ilhoon,” Hyunsik continues smiling.

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you,” he says, stopping to yawn afterwards. “Sorry, I’m tired. Goodnight, hyung.”

Sometimes Hyunsik thinks Ilhoon likes him, and not just in the he enjoys sitting on his dick and he finds him funny way. He’s even convinced on the odd occasion. Then any other day it’s no, he’s imagining it, and he suddenly can’t read or understand Ilhoon at all, and that’s what he hates the most. He knows how to comfort him now, he knows when he needs it, he knows how to take care of him too, but what he doesn’t know is how much of this is a game. If there’s a way to win it, he’d love to find out, but for the time being he just rests his forehead against the wall tiles of the shower as hot water pours over his head, or lies flat on his couch while the television is on without watching whatever is playing. He’s aware this is getting pathetic, but if he could help it he would have already.

He’s sure it’s obvious as well.

 

 

 

 

By March, the leaves have returned to the trees and Hyunsik takes longer to walk to and from work again so he can look at them and the flowers now growing back. He strolls with his head held high so he can take in the fresh, spring air that he’s been missing during the unforgiving winter gone by. These days the sun also makes a regular appearance and he’s glad. It’s not that he actually dislikes winter, but it’s tiresome when it seems like night when it isn’t, especially when he spends so much time working and everything appears unchanged whenever he’s done.

Hyunsik doesn’t actually mind sameness though, like when it comes to Ilhoon.

Meeting up with him is still fun. When Hyunsik sees him waiting and Ilhoon notices him soon after, starts to wave enthusiastically although he was standing there alone with the most uncaring frown only seconds ago, he loves it. They’ll eat – Hyunsik a lot and Ilhoon not so much – then head somewhere more private to get busy, but Hyunsik enjoys the before and after just as much. He thinks Ilhoon does too.

It’s also like that on this very day. Ilhoon is cuddled up close to Hyunsik and he still fits more perfectly in his arms than he can believe.

“Hyung,” he says against Hyunsik’s collarbones, his breath comforting and warm on his skin. “It’s your birthday tomorrow, isn’t it?”

“Oh, I suppose it is,” Hyunsik suddenly remembers himself.

“Is there anything in particular that you want? A request, perhaps,” Ilhoon asks, reaching for his hand, lightly skimming his wrist with his fingers first. “You know, something you’d like me to do, if you could have it your way.”

“Well,” Hyunsik thinks before deciding to let Ilhoon in on his secret fantasy. “You’re going to be free before I finish work, right?”

“Mhm, I am. Where are you going with this?”

“I want you to wait for me to come home. Here.”

“Oh, okay, I got you,” Ilhoon grins. “Do you also want to pretend to be married? I’ll call you ‘honey’ if you get off to that.”

“No—no, it’s fine. I just want you to be here,” Hyunsik insists, a bit flustered. “I’ll give you my spare key. You can do what you want until I arrive, I guess? I don’t know.”

“Do you dislike being alone,” Ilhoon says, but it doesn’t sound like a question, despite being phrased like one.

“I don’t know,” Hyunsik repeats himself.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Ilhoon gently squeezes his hand. He’s gone about fifteen minutes later with the key safe in his pocket.

Hyunsik isn’t exactly overjoyed to be working on his birthday, but he supposes that’s life. It’s not that he was going to celebrate it either if he had the day off or he hadn’t made arrangements with Ilhoon. It’s like at a certain point it isn’t as significant as it used to be. He receives a call from his parents in the morning, a text from his brother that he doesn’t get to read until lunch, and that’s enough really. He’s going to get a little more than that tonight though, if he allows himself to satisfy his hunger far more than usual, if that’s okay.

 _i’m here~♡_ is what flashes up on Hyunsik’s phone once he’s finished for the day. _i’m coming_ is what he sends back.

_okay i’m waiting_

Hyunsik doesn’t think he’s ever walked home faster. He even considers hopping on the subway, but he’s already halfway there.

_where are you? i’m lonely >_<_

By the time he’s at his front door, he’s stuck fumbling with his keys, hating himself for suddenly forgetting which one he needs as if he hasn’t used it every single day. He hurriedly unlocks the door and opens it to find Ilhoon lying on his couch, slowly sitting up once he’s inside. He’s wearing a shirt, one of _Hyunsik’s_ that was most likely left on top of the laundry basket, and he isn’t sure what else. It’s so large on him that it falls below the tops of his thighs when he starts to approach him. It makes a lump form in his throat that he tries to swallow down.

“Welcome home,” Ilhoon says before Hyunsik has the chance to fully remove his jacket. It drops to the ground when Ilhoon takes a hold of his tie, playfully tugs at it to pull him closer for a kiss.

And it feels like pure electricity running from his mouth through his body.

Ilhoon pulls away, wanders over to the kitchen and tells Hyunsik there’s a cake in the refrigerator that he bought for him. It’s probably delicious, but Hyunsik isn’t hungry for food at the moment. He wraps his arms around Ilhoon’s waist from behind, presses a few kisses to the side of his neck and says, in between them, “Let’s save it for later.”

Ilhoon twists himself around in his arms, drapes his own over his shoulders, and lets him do what he wants to, tells him he can because it’s all about him today. Hyunsik kisses him more times than he can most likely count, and he thinks he’s in love. He truly does.

His hand sneaks downwards and sinks itself into the back of Ilhoon’s thigh, the expanse of skin silky under his fingertips that feel like they’ll melt with each touch. They slide up higher, higher, until it becomes evident that there’s nothing under the shirt.

“ _Fuck_ —” is the only thing that Hyunsik manages to say under his breath, and Ilhoon just smirks at him because he knew he’d be pleased about this. He guesses all of the tiniest details he’d like without being told.

He sucks Hyunsik off while he’s resting against one of the counters, stroking Ilhoon’s hair like he always does, full of adoration. He seems even cuter than usual today, maybe it’s the shirt and how he’s kneeling like that with his barely covered ass slightly sticking out behind. He’s working his lips along Hyunsik’s dick with so much concentration it’s actually endearing more than anything else, which seems like a peculiar way to see it nearly every single time, but it’s true. He’s focused and when he suddenly looks up at Hyunsik without warning, he feels himself twitch inside of his mouth.

He realises he could hold Ilhoon still and thrust into his face if he becomes impatient, but he’s so good at it, so thorough, there isn’t any need (although he ponders the idea for a second). He’s learned that it tends to be rewarding when he waits anyway – in the end, there’s no point in rushing. Ilhoon’s got his fingers curled around the base, his cheeks hollowed out as he sucks a bit harder, the wet sounds coming from between his lips and Hyunsik’s skin getting noisier, increasingly obscene. He lets him go before he comes, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand that reveals a sweet smile afterwards, and it only makes Hyunsik want to fuck him more.

So, naturally, he does. He has Ilhoon bent forwards over the countertop, the shirt pushed up past his hips to his waist, and his backside completely exposed. It’s certainly a sight, and a lot to take in regardless of how many times Hyunsik’s actually seen him bare naked by now. He eventually stops admiring it when Ilhoon turns to stare at him, expectant, and it’s his cue to push himself inside of him and give him what he wants too. Before doing so, he decides to tease him a little, rub his dick between his legs, against his ass as a taster.

“P- _please_ —hyung—” are the honeyed words Hyunsik wants to hear, and there’s no way he can refuse Ilhoon when he’s needily repeating himself. God knows he’s tried before, but before fully giving in to him he’d like to take the opportunity to try something else while he can.

“Tell me what you want, Ilhoon,” Hyunsik replies and he internally prays that he won’t use this against him later. “Hyung needs reminding.”

“Fuck me,” he mumbles after a pause, an audible plea in his voice. “I... I want you to fuck me.”

Ilhoon lets out a sharp gasp when Hyunsik pulls him backwards, an intense heat now closing around him again, and he carefully leans forwards to press a kiss to the side of Ilhoon’s face before telling him with a whisper that he feels mind-blowing. It sends a shiver all the way through him, makes his knees a bit weaker, but Hyunsik’s got him. He’s safe within his hold.

Hyunsik doesn’t forget to ask, “Does it hurt?” and Ilhoon shakes his head as usual even if it does.

Then Hyunsik starts and he goes about it in the exact manner that gets Ilhoon riled up the most – he slowly rolls his hips into him, savouring the moment he’s in the deepest which has Ilhoon groaning into the countertop, sliding almost the entire way out afterwards and repeating again. He gradually picks up the pace when Ilhoon’s practically begging him to, and he’s never been one to say much when they’re getting busy so Hyunsik takes it as a sure sign to fuck him faster, harder. Through minimal effort he manages to reach behind Ilhoon’s thigh that’s become sticky to the touch with sweat, grab at it, and hoist his knee up onto the countertop so he can get him at a better angle. When he does, Ilhoon’s loud and Hyunsik’s suddenly considering slipping apology notes under the doors of nearby apartments, which is probably the last thing he should be thinking about right now.

“H- _hyung_ —my—my legs are tired,” Ilhoon quietly whines, and Hyunsik’s got another thing he’s terribly sorry about.

He has Ilhoon turn around to face him, and helps lift him so he can sit instead.

“Is this better?” Hyunsik asks in a gentle voice, looking up at Ilhoon.

“Yeah,” he smiles and places his arms over his shoulders.

Hyunsik hooks his hands under Ilhoon’s knees, raises them higher and pulls him closer. He slides across the surface so easily, his chest lands against his and he gives Hyunsik a long, soft kiss before leaning back onto his elbows. The view between his thighs is something to marvel at, if Hyunsik is to be completely honest, and it’s even more breathtaking when his eyes that were just wide and staring into his fall shut and he’s biting at his bottom lip, biting back a moan that escapes anyway. Hyunsik reaches for Ilhoon’s hands, brings them past his own neck so he’ll wrap his arms around and hold onto him when he hauls him off of the counter, taking him to the opposite side of the kitchen. Ilhoon’s clinging to him hard, and he still is when his back is resting against the refrigerator door, the only thing keeping him suspended in mid-air other than Hyunsik’s sheer strength. He jolts Ilhoon upwards so he can improve his hold on him and it has him release a muffled cry, his face burying into his shoulder.

This is taxing and it’s physically testing Hyunsik, sure, but until now he’s only dreamed of doing this. If there’s an ideal time to try it, it’s most likely at this very moment. Ilhoon’s nuzzling at his neck and it reminds him that this is, somehow, one hundred percent reality.

Hyunsik thrusts into him slowly, _kindly_ , so he can get used to it – Ilhoon’s got to be comfortable first, before anything else, since this is new. Once he is, Hyunsik allows himself to be more forceful, greedier on this evening than any other, because Ilhoon wants him to be and he tends to do as he says. He’s got Ilhoon’s nails sinking into his back through his shirt as he continues to push into him with increasing vigour, until he finally comes and he consequently hears Ilhoon’s breath hitch at the back of his throat as he keeps fucking him. He lets out hiccupy little whimpers with each thrust while tensing around Hyunsik, trembling in his arms. Then he slumps. Hyunsik’s still got him though, he always does.

For a while, the only sound in the entire apartment is their deep breathing in synchronisation with each other, their chests heaving as they both regain composure. When Hyunsik eventually sets Ilhoon back down on the ground again, he takes his hands and guides him to the living room in case he needs the extra support. As he lowers his gaze after letting go, he notices the red, raw marks in the shape of his own fingers imprinted on Ilhoon’s thighs and part of him feels bad, but the other sort of likes it a lot (a better word would be ‘loves’). Ilhoon drops himself onto the couch, winces because he’s probably throbbing, and Hyunsik helps clean him up with some tissues before returning to the kitchen to get the cake.

It’s small – just enough for the two of them – and covered in cream with _HS_ written in chocolate on top and black maraschino cherries surrounding it. It touches Hyunsik deeply that Ilhoon bought him one, let alone had it customised for him, and it looks so tasty he can’t wait to get stuck in.

“Are you going to make a wish?” Ilhoon asks once it’s placed on the coffee table in front of them. He shuffles up close to Hyunsik’s side.

“I don’t even have candles,” he laughs.

“Make one while you have the first taste then,” Ilhoon nudges him with his elbow.

So Hyunsik takes his suggestion. He digs his fork into the side of the cake and scoops some of it away. When it’s in his mouth, he hopes that Ilhoon will still be around in his life this time next year, if the world would be so kind.

He opens his eyes to Ilhoon watching him, and he then tries to feed him but some of the cream gets on his nose by accident, which makes Ilhoon wipe some on Hyunsik’s too with the tip of his finger in revenge as he giggles. It comes to his realisation just how close he and Ilhoon have become and this feeling right now, as he’s fully aware of it, seems so special. It has him thinking that he only wants to continue going further with him.

“Mmm, what are you in the mood to do after this?” Ilhoon asks while he’s chewing. “Just let me know.”

Hyunsik hasn’t exactly planned things out and at the back of his mind there’s always the possibility that Ilhoon has priorities elsewhere, but it’s Friday so he may as well try, “I’m not sure if I’m getting too far ahead of myself here, but are you able to spend the night?”

“Of course,” Ilhoon replies, slowly pulling his fork out of his mouth. He stares at Hyunsik and tilts his head. “Oh, don’t worry about a thing. It’s your day and I’ll grant your every wish. Tonight I’m all yours, okay?”

Hyunsik nods, “Yeah—”

“Hyung, don’t think of this as me doing you a favour. In case you need reminding, we _are_ friends and I do like you. Still,” Ilhoon places his free hand on Hyunsik’s lap and it always reminds him of Halloween. He wants to kiss him, but he holds back. “Besides, I’m always carrying my toothbrush around now. The things I do for you and your dick,” he laughs loudly to himself.

They don’t have room for dinner once they’ve finished eating, but it saves having to go anywhere or Hyunsik attempting to impress Ilhoon with his basic cooking skills. They sit and watch television to allow themselves to rest with Ilhoon curled up next to Hyunsik, and Hyunsik’s arm laid across Ilhoon’s waist. It’s a crappy movie, undoubtedly so, but they still find it funny and it’s probably thanks to their own running commentary. Ilhoon’s way too impressive at imitations and they have Hyunsik throwing his head back in laughter each time.

When it’s over and the credits are rolling, he asks Ilhoon if he’d like to go shower or take a bath first.

“Aren’t you going to come?” he asks back. “Surely there’s space for both of us.”

“Oh—yes—of course—” Hyunsik stutters and while he’s _definitely_ fantasised about this before (while alone in where else but the bathroom), it’s rather scary that it’s like Ilhoon is reading his mind.

He gets up off of the couch and Hyunsik mindlessly follows him. Ilhoon starts running the water without being prompted, helps himself to the bottle of bath gel sitting at the edge of the tub and squeezes it in. He’s so comfortable going ahead and doing this on his own that it’s as if this isn’t the first time when, in reality, if either of them ever spend the night they don’t even bother. It’s just straight to bed while sticky and tired.

It’s almost as if this is Ilhoon’s home, and it messes with Hyunsik’s mind for a brief moment.

He looks into the tub and sees the soap foaming and bubbles rising, then over to Ilhoon who’s scanning his eyes downwards along Hyunsik’s body and back up again. He doesn’t say a word – he just walks nearer and undoes his tie. It feels so affectionate of him and wonderfully intimate, not that the collection of other things they do together aren’t, but he supposes it’s slightly different when they’re taking it easy. Ilhoon unbuttons Hyunsik’s shirt for him next, and for once there’s no hurry to get him undressed.

Hyunsik slowly lifts his hands to remove Ilhoon’s (though technically his) shirt too when he’s moved onto his belt. He falters for a second but it’s alright, he tells himself, he’s done it before. It’s just that he’s not going to pull Ilhoon in for a clumsy kiss while doing so or say things that make him blush red hot when he later recalls them, but why should it matter. Ilhoon kisses him anyway, right at corner of his mouth, and leaves him to actually register it by turning around to shut off the tap. From it, there’s a burst of pure happiness inside of Hyunsik and he’d be straight up lying to himself if he tried to claim otherwise.

He watches Ilhoon take one step into the tub, how he hisses at the temperature of the water and it’s ridiculously cute to him. He sits himself down amongst the bubbles after adjusting to the heat and gives Hyunsik enough room to get in with him. Pulling the remainder of his clothes off, Hyunsik wonders if he should climb in behind Ilhoon or in front of him. He settles on whichever Ilhoon prefers when he notices him resting his arms on the edge of the tub, his chin on top. Hyunsik joins him at the end left vacant and as he’s lowering himself into the water, Ilhoon causes waves to gently splash at him by rotating to face him. It’s a little cramped, no shit, and Hyunsik doesn’t know where to put his legs or how to arrange them, but they manage to fit decently with one at either side of Ilhoon and Ilhoon’s placed over his.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” he asks, scooping up some bubbles, pressing them to his face and forming a beard.

“Yeah,” Hyunsik grins at the sight of Ilhoon sitting in front of him.

“Come here,” he says, reaching out.

Hyunsik scoots towards him, cautious not to force water to spill out, and he allows Ilhoon to stick bubbles to his chin as well. Once he’s satisfied, he lets out the biggest laugh and it echoes across the room.

“No offence, but I don’t think that suits you,” he snorts.

“I could say the same to you,” Hyunsik snickers back.

Ilhoon holds him close after that and Hyunsik isn’t particularly certain why. Sometimes he just doesn’t speak, but Hyunsik believes not everything needs a reason and he’d never push for one unless they were playing around and he wanted to fluster him (if he knew it would be fine). That’s not now though. Ilhoon’s kneeling between his legs, he’s got his arms wrapped around him but not tightly – it seems kind, actually, maybe even loving. Hyunsik keeps himself from making any assumptions for his own good.

However, he does hold Ilhoon too, for as long as he wants. When he lets go, he’s got a smile on his face and he’s the first to stand up and get out. Living alone, Hyunsik’s only got one towel hanging by the wall which Ilhoon pulls around himself.

“Are you staying?” he asks.

Hyunsik removes the plug and steps out, and Ilhoon welcomes him to slip under the towel with him. They bundle up and walk to the bedroom together. On top of the comforter are the clothes Ilhoon was wearing when he arrived at the apartment earlier, messily strung out.

“I’m guessing you wouldn’t want to wear those to bed. You can choose whatever you like here.”

Ilhoon curiously opens one of Hyunsik’s drawers, which turns out to be full of underwear and socks so he slides it shut just as quickly. The next one he tries has sets of pyjamas neatly folded inside. A white shirt with a pattern of yellow smiley faces catches his eye and he lifts it out.

“I’ll go with this,” he says, then noticing the matching pants still in the drawer. “Oh! Hyung, you should wear those.”

Ilhoon’s still buttoning up the shirt once Hyunsik’s dressed (if he should call it that) and when he glances at the mirror at the end of the room, he thinks they probably couldn’t look cuter than they do right now. Sometimes he thinks that when he catches their reflections as they’re passing by shop windows while walking together, but this, this is truly it.

When they eventually climb into bed, it feels so calm and right. Hyunsik’s lying on the right side, Ilhoon on the left, but they’re close to the point that there’s plenty of excess space around them. The way Ilhoon fits and feels in Hyunsik’s arms – it’s not a surprise anymore, but he’s still amazed by it regardless. He was yesterday, he is again today, and he will be for as long as they continue this. As cozy as they are, it’s noticeably more difficult to fall asleep when they’re not exhausted after giving themselves a workout, when Hyunsik’s fully conscious of himself, Ilhoon and everything in between.

“So, how did you like your birthday?” he’s asked and Ilhoon gazes up at him, expectant.

“A lot,” he replies with the widest smile. “I loved it. Thank you.”

“Good,” Ilhoon says, starting to trace along his collarbones and chest with his fingertips. It’s oddly soothing. “You know, it’s not quite over yet.”

“Then what should we do with the time remaining?”

Ilhoon doesn’t respond with words. Instead, he kisses Hyunsik, a hand sliding from his neck to the side of his face and a knee shifting between his legs, and he knows this is how it feels to be wanted. His bottom lip is caught between Ilhoon’s teeth as always, Ilhoon’s tongue then slipping past his own teeth into his mouth and he feels it gently brush against the roof. Hyunsik’s hand automatically makes its way down Ilhoon’s back to his ass, partially covered by the shirt, and he slips his fingers up under it, grasps at his bare skin as Ilhoon moves to straddle him. The majority of his weight is resting on his lower stomach, but a tiny part of it is at his crotch too and he’s barely rubbing against it, yet he’s getting hard (not that it’s difficult). Whatever restraint Hyunsik ever had prior to meeting Ilhoon, it’s completely abandoned him now.

_Hey, God? Can you hear me? It’s me, Hyunsik, and I think this boy is going to kill me._

Ilhoon leans over to the bedside table nearest to them and digs around – he knows what he’s looking for and where it’ll be. He generously coats his fingers, makes sure Hyunsik is watching at all times, then lifts up the back of the shirt and reaches behind. He needn’t worry – Hyunsik’s eyes are fixated on him from his face, how his mouth is slowly dropping open, to his body’s subtle trembling as he sinks his fingers deeper inside of himself. Ilhoon revels in this – having Hyunsik’s full, undivided attention, but it’s impossible for him to think of anything else but Ilhoon when they’re together anyway (and even apart).

Hyunsik feels a warmth temporarily sneak beneath his waistband, enclose around the girth of his dick and stroke with languid motions, followed by his pants being tugged down just enough to expose how embarrassingly hard he’s become, and it’s like he can suddenly breathe a little. Not for long though – Ilhoon has the shaft between the back of his legs and he’s letting it press against his ass, quiet noises of pleasure seeping from between his tightly closed lips. He sounds so gorgeous, and he looks even better. Hyunsik is awestruck to the point that the only thing he’s able to give Ilhoon at the moment other than two eyes staring at him widely, intently, are his hands firm on his thighs as he rises and falls.

Ilhoon eventually bends down to kiss Hyunsik, rather chastely considering everything, before telling him, “This is one more gift from me before the day ends.”

There are fingers taking a hold of Hyunsik’s dick, but he can’t see anything other than Ilhoon in front of him. By accident he curses under his breath when he feels the tip prod against Ilhoon, and Ilhoon push himself onto it after what seems like forever. He slowly continues to lower his hips, each fraction of a second increasing the pressure constricting around Hyunsik, until he can’t any further. Then he rides him, in his own time with drawn-out rotations that are emptying Hyunsik’s mind and blowing it at the same time. And, shit, he’s gotten skilled at this.

“H-hyung?” he calls out of nowhere. “Um, you—you look so great.”

“Really?” Hyunsik asks, elated. He’s used to being the one to say that to Ilhoon.

“Mhm,” he nods. “You look—uh— _hot_?”

“Thank you, Hoonie,” Hyunsik recognises the effort he’s making – he wouldn’t dare laugh, as forced as it may sound, because he knows that’s when he’s telling the truth but finding it difficult to, which only makes it more sincere – and reaches for his hand. He holds it in his as Ilhoon exerts some force into lifting himself upwards, plunges back down again, and repeats until it starts to take all the strength he has left. The sweat along his collarbones and the top of the shoulder that the shirt has slid down is making him glow beautifully in the dim light from the bedside lamps reflecting off of his skin. To Hyunsik, he seems ethereal.

The grip on Hyunsik’s hand tightens into a warm squeeze, “H- _hyung_ —I—” Ilhoon tries to speak. “I-I need—”

So Hyunsik delivers. He does his best to sit up without accidentally jerking upwards just yet, but one small shift has Ilhoon _whimper_ and Hyunsik almost comes on the spot – at this point, he’s certain that God has it out for him. There’s no way he doesn’t. He wants to push his hips into him fast and hard already, but even more he feels like listening to him whine for a little longer. Surely he can allow himself to be this selfish tonight.

First of all he takes Ilhoon by the waist and, despite his expectancy, it makes him flinch. If Hyunsik has to thank God for one thing, it’s probably that Ilhoon is so cute to him it’s plain absurd. Secondly, he nips at Ilhoon’s ear, gently kisses at his neck and the skin exposed lower down, and it’s like he’s falling apart with every touch. He’s saying _hyung, hyung, hyung_ and it somehow sounds like everything Hyunsik wants to hear, so he gives into Ilhoon like he always knows he will. That is, to an extent. He rocks into him with gradually increasing speed and power, brings him as close as he possibly can to the edge, then stops. In the brief period of time he gives Ilhoon to recover, he thinks he’s probably going to hate him a bit as he continues this, but he’ll be thankful for it later. Hyunsik does it again and, when he forces another abrupt pause, Ilhoon is desperate, trying to take matters into his own control by rolling his hips against Hyunsik’s, but it’s not enough. He’s shaking, bless his heart, and Hyunsik wouldn’t be surprised if he’s internally cursing at him right now. Besides, he wouldn’t blame him either.

Perhaps he’s being cruel, but he promises it’ll be worth it for Ilhoon, not just himself.

Hyunsik goes again with more effort than ever, goes the whole way until it only takes one, two, three more thrusts for him to literally blow a load inside of Ilhoon and he thinks he’s heading straight to hell once it’s over. At least he’s enjoying himself first, he supposes. He reaches down between them and gives Ilhoon a hand, and then he’s gasping for air and trying to say actual words, but all that’s coming out are sharp and rapid exhalations (unsurprisingly, they still sound like something Hyunsik wants to hear though). He can feel Ilhoon repeatedly contracting around him so intensely that he thinks he even sees his consciousness almost slip for a second, but he’s there and he’s okay, although his entire face is flushed a pretty deep pink and his eyes, now staring directly into his own, are glassy and tired.

When he comes to, he holds Hyunsik at either side of his face and presses a single kiss to his exposed forehead, and he’s smiling straight after with a soft and sleepy laugh leaving his mouth, “Happy birthday?”

“A very happy one,” Hyunsik grins.

Ilhoon nods off before Hyunsik this time and he’s glad – between the two of them, he probably deserves a good night’s sleep the most, and he always says he prefers Hyunsik’s bed to his back at the dorm, so this is the least he can offer him. He can rest for as long as he needs to, even if it means Hyunsik not moving an inch for hours on end because Ilhoon’s limbs are entangled with his and the last thing he’d want is to wake him far too early. He’s going to be sore after all. Under the low light of the lamp he can’t afford to turn off at the moment, the colour in Ilhoon’s cheeks has faded and he looks so serene whenever Hyunsik lowers his gaze to focus on him lying across his chest. He’s beautiful, but he’s never forgotten once.

Tonight, Hyunsik feels pretty lucky to have had the pleasure of spending it with Ilhoon. He’ll give God that. He gradually dares to say, “I love you,” in the quietest voice possible and Ilhoon can’t hear him, but perhaps for the time being it’s better this way.

 

 

 

 

(In the early evening after Ilhoon has left, Hyunsik is sitting at his desk with a ballpoint pen between his fingers and a pad of sticky notes in front of him. He scribbles a couple of sentences down without putting in much thought, reads them over, then changes his mind completely. He doesn’t want to be known as _weird_ , as bad as he feels about the potential inconvenience he continues to cause. He supposes everybody will have to deal. He leaves the note there and goes to prepare dinner.

_dear neighbour,_  
_i sincerely apologise for the increase in noise during the past few months._  
_you see, my sex life has been reignited, so i hope you can understand._  
_best regards, hyunsik from apartment 51_ ) 

 

 

 

 

Things continue as usual throughout spring – work hasn’t gotten any less boring and Ilhoon is still as bright as ever, the latter Hyunsik has greater thanks for, but truthfully both are fine by him. There’s a balance after all and it keeps life interesting.

Interesting is spotting Ilhoon waiting for him outside under the sun that’s making more regular appearances now, hugging him tight when he finally reaches him, and feeling his chest against his and his arms on his back. It’s listening to him talk about his day without interruption, the witty side comments he adds that have Hyunsik laughing for no apparent reason and how, once he’s done, he listens to Hyunsik talk about his own although it’s almost always the same. By then Ilhoon is normally trying to sit on him, despite the entire couch being there, and it’s kind of funny because he tries his best to go on and Ilhoon does listen rather seriously, like he’s not squashing Hyunsik’s thighs and (intentionally or accidentally) skimming certain places with his knee. Hyunsik wouldn’t have it any other way, of course – he likes it like this.

But he’d also like to do something about his terrible, ever-growing _crush_ as he still hates to call it (because it seems so very juvenile and he’s a grown man, alright). He just doesn’t know what, because the things he has done are ordinarily quite obvious, but he supposes with Ilhoon they could be difficult to pick out when they’re constantly all over each other anyway. Perhaps he’s not doing enough? He doesn’t want to _say_ a word though.

Hyunsik’s lounging across his couch after work and he isn’t in the mood to cook, so he makes the first move today and calls Ilhoon. He picks up after a few rings.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Ilhoon. Are you busy this evening?” Hyunsik asks and he doesn’t even know what he’s trying to do (okay, he kind of does: he wants to eat with Ilhoon, but other than that he’s unsure of what else he aims to accomplish here).

“Am I ever?” Ilhoon replies.

Hyunsik can’t help but laugh over the line at how quickly he responded, “Then, would you be interested in having dinner together tonight?”

“As if I’d say no,” Ilhoon snickers back and although Hyunsik can clearly imagine him jokingly rolling his eyes, he sounds so sweet. It instantly makes Hyunsik feel all warm and fuzzy inside which he always loves. “What do you have in mind?”

“A friend recommended this new restaurant to me, a Japanese one, so I was thinking that we could try it? They have curry udon.”

“Oh! That sounds perfect. What time?”

“I’ll come over at half six. Is that long enough for you?”

“It’s a date,” Ilhoon chimes.

“Hm?”

“It’s a saying, hyung.”

“Right. I know that,” Hyunsik internally tells his heart to be still, but it’s only getting started. “I’ll see you soon.”

Ilhoon is sitting on the wall outside of his dorm building when Hyunsik arrives. He hops down once he gets closer. He’s wearing a large t-shirt and pants ripped at the knees and they’re tighter than Hyunsik can even believe exist, but they fit him flawlessly, like they were specifically made for him, although that goes for a lot of things he wears if he’s being completely honest. He can make the most tacky pieces of clothing look decent which is rather impressive (and often).

They follow the directions on Hyunsik’s phone using the address he was given, go the wrong way once, until they find the restaurant opposite a park. Although it’s a weekday, it seems busy inside with each table by the window full, but they luckily manage to get one when they enter. Flipping through the menu is slightly overwhelming – the selection is just so huge – and Ilhoon sitting opposite Hyunsik is nose-deep in it.

“Hyung, I want to eat eel. What about you?” Ilhoon looks up and Hyunsik says he does too. “Let’s get that then.”

Hyunsik orders it, Ilhoon’s udon, a rice bowl for himself and some assorted tempura, plus miso soup to start off with. It arrives before the rest and Hyunsik lets his cool while Ilhoon tries to blow the steam away so he can begin to drink his faster. He takes a small, slow sip then presses his lips together a few times.

“Is it nice?” Hyunsik asks and Ilhoon nods.

“You should wait a little longer though,” he tells him.

Everything else is brought over once they’ve emptied the bowls dry and, seeing it all laid out in one place, it looks more than wonderful. Ilhoon is already slurping up his noodles when Hyunsik gazes across the table and he’s so eager – he’s literally got to be the cutest. With his mouth completely stuffed, he whines at Hyunsik not to watch him, but he can’t take his eyes away.

“ _Hyung._ ” he continues.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Hyunsik tries not to laugh, but he’s just in such a great mood at the moment that he has the widest smile on his face, and it simply grows even bigger when Ilhoon grumpily pouts at him. He covers his eyes with both hands. “I won’t look, see?”

Then what he can hear over the sound of the chattering surrounding them is Ilhoon’s gigantic laughter and Hyunsik thinks there couldn’t be anything better than this— _them_ —right now. He’s with probably his favourite person on Earth (but don’t tell a soul) and the two of them are eating very, very well. What could possibly beat that? Also spending a bit of extra time with each other afterwards, perhaps, but that usually happens anyway so Hyunsik considers it part of this already, if he’s not getting too far ahead of himself. He’s so happy he could burst at any second, but he’s doing what he can to stop it from fully showing itself.

“What are you smiling about, hyung?” Ilhoon asks before taking a piece of eel into his mouth.

“I’m feeling good,” Hyunsik shrugs.

While chewing, Ilhoon smiles back at him, “Me too.”

They eventually clean out every plate and bowl and they’re quite proud of it. Once it’s all been paid for and they’ve divided the complimentary mints equally between them, they head outdoors. It’s still somewhat light these days and it makes them want to take it slow – it’s warmer than before and it seems refreshing with the colder seasons over. There’s no longer a rush to escape from the weather. Hyunsik walks Ilhoon home at a leisurely pace, their shoulders touching then drifting apart again throughout the journey, and when they get there he asks if he’ll stay a while, so he does.

“You know, hyung, I don’t feel like doing anything tonight,” Ilhoon says as he leans back to rest against the wall beside his bed.

“That’s okay,” Hyunsik assures him. It always is.

“Well, actually, I do feel like doing this,” he sits up as quickly as he had reclined and turns to Hyunsik. As expected, he kisses him, but that doesn’t mean he’s not going to have sudden palpitations and a flood of emotions that are mostly variations of excitement and joy. He wants it to last for more than a few seconds, but it doesn’t. He won’t try to make it either.

“You’re staring at me really strangely today, what is it?” Ilhoon asks out of nowhere.

“I am?” Hyunsik replies because he hadn’t realised, yet it’s not a surprise.

“Mhm, you’re thinking about something, aren’t you?” he leans in close and Hyunsik almost prepares himself for another kiss. He doesn’t get one though.

“Kind of—I dunno.”

“Do you want to share? If it’s bothering you, tell me,” Ilhoon says, placing his hand on top of Hyunsik’s. His touch is soft, he already knew it would be, but he’s got this tenderness that does things to him he never knew a person could. Although it’s silly, Hyunsik imagines it’s just for him.

He pauses to consider Ilhoon’s suggestion, to consider spilling the accumulation of thoughts all about him piling up in his head, but in the end he only says, “It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m ready to listen whenever you’re ready to speak,” Ilhoon offers a comforting smile, despite his words sounding like he’s seeing straight through him and he knows. It oddly gives Hyunsik the confidence to open his mouth again, to make some sort of attempt at something that he actually has no idea what.

“Ilhoon, I—uh—”

He is so horrendous at this.

“Yes?”

And then he hesitates further and changes his mind, “Sorry, I think I should go. I... I have to go to bed early for tomorrow.”

“Oh, right, of course,” Ilhoon nods to himself. “Then I guess I’ll see you later? Thank you for dinner tonight, by the way. I enjoyed it a lot.”

“It’s no bother,” Hyunsik says, but what he thinks he should be doing is apologising for the awkwardness he’s caused. “Maybe we can go there again sometime?”

Hyunsik hurriedly leaves and he’s rather embarrassed after that, but at the same time he’s fortunately being made to feel like he shouldn’t have to be – Ilhoon is texting him like he normally does before he’s even gotten home and he’s telling him to sleep tight, to wake up refreshed for work the next morning without a single mention of their previous conversation.

_i will_

_and i’m sorry for making things weird_

_don’t be_

Despite his concerns, Hyunsik does sleep quite soundly once he’s climbed into bed. He goes an entire night without waking up until his alarm forces him to, and by then it’s a brand new day and he’s well-rested for it. It’s made even better already when he’s greeted by a message on his phone as soon as he checks it.

_i hope you have a nice day at work~_

Hyunsik loves him. He one hundred percent knows it from the giddiness building up inside as he rereads the words on the screen.

 

 

 

 

It’s nearly summer now and it’s crept up just like that. Hyunsik hasn’t seen much of Ilhoon during the past couple of weeks and it’s unusual, but he’s not going to stick his nose into his business and ask about it. He ordinarily does nothing on most days and he’s suddenly rather occupied, so it’s a bit of a change. That’s all. While Hyunsik had initially suspected this is because of exams, Ilhoon brushed away the notion by quite boldly stating that, being in his first year, he can wing it when he brought up the topic on his own. With that possibility out of the question, Hyunsik supposes it could be due to family matters or he could simply want a bit of a break and that’s perfectly alright, or he could stop worrying so much and tell himself it probably doesn’t concern him in the first place.

So Hyunsik continues to work as he does every single weekday, although as hard as he tries to buckle down, he can’t help but feel somewhat uneasy. He knows that the possibility he wants the least to be true is that Ilhoon isn’t into this anymore. That means saying goodbye. If that’s truly the case, he just wants him to talk to him about it.

That’s what’s on Hyunsik’s mind as he’s working this morning too. He almost doesn’t realise what the time is until a voice startles him.

“When you’re done, wanna meet at our usual coffee shop?” it asks, and it belongs to Changsub who places a hand on Hyunsik’s shoulder.

Hyunsik looks behind him from his desk and says he’ll be there as soon as he can, then hurriedly tries to finish up. Perhaps some food will help? He soon gathers his belongings and heads out.

As he’s heading through the mall, Hyunsik catches glimpse of someone out of the corner of his eye who looks a lot like Ilhoon, except that his hair is black, but he’s so used to seeing him now that it’s difficult not to recognise him straight away. He’s with somebody – a shorter, far more built guy who seems handsome _and_ stylishly-dressed, and as he continues watching and walking at the same time, he can just tell they know each other well. They’re chatting, both smiling brightly, and Hyunsik isn’t sure how he actually feels, especially because he has to admit they look _good_ together. Ilhoon has never mentioned seeing other people before, he’s never even talked about having friends, but Hyunsik reminds himself it’s essentially none of his business anyway. It’s not like they’re exclusive to one another, although since the beginning he’s truthfully had no interest in anybody else.

Besides, at this distance he can’t tell for absolute certain that it’s him, and what does it matter if it is. He’s not supposed to get jealous. But the way the other guy has his arm over Ilhoon’s shoulder (or so he assumes, otherwise the world is fortunate enough to have two copies of him running around) has got Hyunsik’s stomach tying in knots and as much as he knows he shouldn’t, he hates it.

He feels like such an awful person.

Hyunsik manages to peel his eyes away (he doesn’t want to be creepy, for God’s sake) and as he arrives at the coffee shop, Changsub is waiting for him at a table near the entrance. He waves him over despite the near enough fact that he couldn’t possibly miss him and he’s already eaten half of his bagel. Hyunsik orders one for himself too, and a smoothie to keep up his fruit intake which has become part of his daily ritual.

“Are you busy tonight?” Changsub asks, leaning across the table and Hyunsik can smell the coffee in his breath.

“What’s it to you?” he asks back.

“I’m going out with Chorong, but her friend will come again if you’re up for another double date. Are you?”

“Uh, I’m not too sure,” Hyunsik replies, folding his arms. He recalls the time when they last went out, which was before he had even met Ilhoon, and it was an overall pleasant night – the conversations flowed without much hint of awkwardness and he remembers her being quite funny and a nice person in general. They got along, but they didn’t exchange numbers at the end or anything that would have suggested either of them felt a _spark_. Furthermore, Hyunsik isn’t particularly interested now and he knows it wouldn’t be fair to _consider_ going for another round, let alone doing so, when all he really thinks about is Ilhoon and their next meeting. He would never use an opportunity like this to try pushing aside his true feelings – that’d be plain wrong to everyone involved. He’s completely aware of how he feels, as bothersome as it is, so he has to deal with that first of all whatever the outcome, and then he can make further decisions. He just hopes said outcome is not the two of them turning back into strangers and never seeing each other again.

It seems that Hyunsik is more dramatic than he had originally estimated.

“Aren’t you free?” Changsub frowns.

“Well, yes, but—”

“Oh, are you seeing somebody now?” he asks, mouth suddenly turning into a large, teeth-baring grin. “You should’ve said so.”

Hyunsik takes a moment and he thinks it’s something like that, but at the same time it isn’t exactly and he needs to get that into his brain far more often these days, “No, it’s not that. Well, I don’t know. I guess I just need to think about stuff?”

“Suit yourself,” Changsub says, sitting back again. “What’s up?”

“If I tell you, you’re not going to judge, are you?”

“Nope,” he replies, putting his hand to his chest. “I cross my heart.”

“Okay,” Hyunsik takes a deep breath. “Let’s say that I have this friend who has a friend and the two of them have this thing going on, but they’re not in an—uh—actual romantic relationship? Do you get what I’m saying here?”

“I think I do.”

Hyunsik slouches in his seat and lowers his voice, speaks quieter when he’s certain no one else would care to listen in – it’s not that interesting, “And let’s also say that this friend _may_ have developed feelings, but it’s not supposed to be that way? But it kind of feels like it already is like that? What should they do?”

“I mean,” Changsub stops to try and understand the situation, or he could just be chewing on his bagel with a contemplative look on his face. “Your friend is in love, there’s no point in denying that. Won’t it get worse if they continue without saying anything? If too much time passes, they’ll become more attached, won’t they?”

“Yeah, I know, you’re probably right,” Hyunsik sighs. “Thanks, hyung.”

“I hope your friend can figure things out,” Changsub smiles before downing the rest of his coffee. “You know, most people aren’t that great at acting. If something feels real, maybe it is.”

That last part plays on his mind the most during the rest of the afternoon.

Hyunsik still doesn’t see Ilhoon for another few days after that and he’s a tiny bit anxious about it, although he’s been receiving texts every now and then – they have short conversations before Ilhoon tells him he’s busy, he’s out here and there, and has to go again. It has Hyunsik nervous, thinking at the very back of his brain that things are going to come to an end shortly and Ilhoon’s gradually easing himself away to soften the blow, until he asks if he can come over on Friday evening when Hyunsik’s finished work with his usual heart emoticons. He doesn’t understand why he keeps imagining the worst. _i really want to see you_ is what Ilhoon sends and of course Hyunsik agrees to it. When he opens the door, the first thing he notices is that Ilhoon’s hair is freshly dyed black and it dries his mouth a little, but he looks so stunning and he lets him know. He offers him a drink, but his refrigerator isn’t exactly stocked up, so he brings over a glass of water since Ilhoon isn’t particularly fond of beer. When Hyunsik sits down on the couch, he automatically shuffles closer and his already short shorts ride up higher, almost fully exposing his inner thighs. Hyunsik tries his utmost hardest to ignore the sight of them, he truly does.

And he hates this.

“I’ve missed you,” Ilhoon announces as he drops his head onto Hyunsik’s shoulder.

“Ah, really? You’ve been pretty busy lately,” he replies while wondering if he should put an arm around him. He decides against it though.

“Yeah,” Ilhoon groans. “My sister and future brother-in-law keep dragging me around because the wedding is approaching. God, I don’t know what they even need me for, but it’s so _boring_.”

“At least you have some free time now,” Hyunsik suggests and he feels so terribly selfish because, while he has no right to be, he’s instantly relieved to hear that. He wishes he had known.

“Mhm,” Ilhoon replies, leaning in to kiss Hyunsik and his mouth tastes of mint like the gum he was chewing before he got here.

He immediately climbs on top, one leg over Hyunsik’s lap, and he settles himself on the middle of it. The weight of Ilhoon comfortably sitting there has Hyunsik realise how much he’s been missing this during these quiet weeks, but he’s barely allowed to register it properly when Ilhoon’s lips are all over his again, then following the angle of his jaw. It feels phenomenal, yet it only makes him tense. He just can’t seem to loosen up at the moment.

“Wait— _Ilhoon_ —hold on,” Hyunsik reaches for his hands and he finds them without needing to search too far.

Ilhoon grips back, “What’s wrong?”

“Um, could we talk about something first?”

“Isn’t that what we do afterwards?” he asks, but his face is saying that he does want to know right this second. “What is it?”

“Look, how should I put this,” Hyunsik frowns. “I... I know it was never supposed to be like this and it goes against everything and it might not be like this for you but, honestly, I really like you. I’ve gotten greedy, I know. I’m sorry, I seriously am, but I couldn’t help it. I guess I’ve probably ruined this whole thing because I just—I knew from the start I would, but I went ahead anyway—”

Hyunsik is still rambling nonsense when Ilhoon starts to talk over him (or makes an attempt to), “Okay, what— _hyung_ —slow _down_. I can’t understand a single thing you’re saying right now, but you haven’t ruined anything. What are you trying to tell me here?”

There’s a short pause as Hyunsik refocuses on the main point of all of this, then blankly looks up at Ilhoon, “I think I’m in love with you?”

“I know you are,” Ilhoon squeezes his hands and Hyunsik can tell by the tone of his voice that he isn’t joking. “Hyung, do you know what I’ve been saying from the night we first met?” he tilts his head. “I like you. What do you think that means?”

Hyunsik blinks at him, “That you like me?”

“Exactly,” Ilhoon nods. “We obviously didn’t know each other back then, but now that we do, haven’t I been giving you an open invitation this entire time? I like you. Even with your clothes on,” he gives Hyunsik a gentle smile. “I’m telling you that I feel the same way.”

Hyunsik is nothing short of baffled, “Are you really saying that you’ve been meaning it in that way? I thought you were playing around.”

“Oh, I was wondering why you hadn’t picked up the hundreds of hints I’ve dropped almost telling you that I’ve been curious if you’d ever ask to become my boyfriend. Trust me, hyung, if I wasn’t interested in you, you’d definitely know,” Ilhoon says and it’s so assuring, it puts everything inside of Hyunsik’s mind to rest at once. “Between you and me, I’ve been wanting you all to myself for a while now, but I didn’t know if it was my place to do so either until it was _obvious_ how you felt. You’re more than subtle.”

“How long have you known?” Hyunsik asks in disbelief.

“Since the afternoon when you ran out to McDonald’s for me, for sure. That was _extremely_ romantic of you, but I’ve had a feeling for longer than that. To tell you the truth, I thought you were going to ask me out on your birthday, but I figured that you were still contemplating things,” Ilhoon shrugs. “I just wanted you to be ready enough to let me know, but I had no idea you were getting this worked up over it. You wanted to know me better first, didn’t you? That’s how you prefer it.”

At this point Hyunsik is nearly speechless, but he manages to get out, “You’re incredible.”

“Only for you.”

Suddenly Hyunsik thinks he’s a bit ridiculous, even more so than before when he realises this has been staring him in the face for that long. There’s a warm, tight feeling in his chest and his heart continuously pounds back into it with heavy thuds he swear he can almost hear, but this isn’t a bad thing. Not one bit. It’s probably love and the great luck of experiencing mutual affection after all, and does he ever feel blessed right now. It has him suppose there’s an astonishingly high chance that God doesn’t actually hate him as much as he had thought.

“You’ve been worrying about it that much? That’s so cute,” Ilhoon readjusts himself on Hyunsik’s lap and sits with his face level to his.

“I wouldn’t quite call it that,” Hyunsik itches the back of his own neck. “It’s just that you’ve been spinning my head in circles for months—well since October, I guess—and I’ve been so confused, but I love that? All of it. I love how unpredictable you can be sometimes, how much fun we have together, everything. I love us, I love _you_.”

“That’s probably the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me,” Ilhoon replies, visibly blushing, but he doesn’t make any attempt to hide it. Not anymore. “I know that I love you too.”

There’s not much else left to say that’s particularly urgent. Hyunsik’s said what he’s needed to the most, so he pulls Ilhoon close and holds him tight like he’s wanted to since he woke up this morning. He feels familiar hands creep across his back and them being there seems so _right_ , like they somehow always have, like they definitely should be there – he’s certain Ilhoon has got to be one of the greatest things to have ever happened to him, and he’s more than glad he had decided to take up the offer to go out that night which seems like ages ago. He still remembers it vividly though, like it wasn’t last year and they’re not over halfway to the anniversary of the first time he had even laid eyes on Ilhoon. But it was and they are, and Hyunsik believes he wouldn’t have it any different.

Forget believes – he’s absolutely sure of it.

When they finally pull apart, they don’t let go of each other and silently stare for a moment, then Ilhoon asks, expectant, “Are you going to kiss me?”

And Hyunsik does just that. He’s so used to this, he knows Ilhoon’s lips, the inside of his mouth by heart, but there isn’t a single chance that he could possibly grow bored of it. Not in the near future, nor in the distant future, Hyunsik thinks, because to him it always feels like a somewhat new sensation whenever they kiss, despite being aware that it’s far from that. That’s perhaps one of the wonders of adoring somebody like this.

He drags it out, kisses Ilhoon again and again, savouring each tiny moment as if he doesn’t want them to end until they need to breathe. He opens his eyes and Ilhoon is gazing directly at him, a confident kind of smile across his face.

“Now make me yours,” he says, and Hyunsik knows it’s a demand, but it sounds so lovely he can’t help but go along with it without a second thought – he wants to give Ilhoon everything and more.

Their clothes are spread out across the floor, over the top of the couch, and Ilhoon is under Hyunsik, clinging to him with all that he’s got. It’s so hot they’re already beginning to sweat without having done much yet, but they don’t intend to stop – not until they’ve finished what they’ve started. Hyunsik’s at Ilhoon’s ear, telling him he loves him so freely like he’s making up for every time he had wanted to but hesitated and couldn’t get it out. That won’t happen anymore. He’s at his neck, shoulders, collarbones, and the shapes of them are deeply ingrained in his memory, yet he never tires of exploring them through his hands and mouth. The tiny sounds coming from Ilhoon as he revels in his touch will eternally be stuck in his mind.

“Hyung— _hyung_ —look at me, please.”

Hyunsik slowly raises his head and before he’s even fully facing Ilhoon, he’s utterly stunned at how breathtaking he actually is. Half a year later, Hyunsik still and always is.

He gently pushes his hair back so he can see his whole face clearly and tells him in a hushed voice, “You’re so pretty, Ilhoon.”

“R-really?” he asks in mild surprise and that’s okay – Hyunsik will let him know as often as he needs to until he believes it.

“Yes,” he nods. “You’re the prettiest person I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”

“You’re just saying that,” Ilhoon brushes it aside, but Hyunsik genuinely means each and every word.

“No way.”

Ilhoon spends the night and the rest of the weekend here, and Hyunsik reckons there couldn’t be anything better than waking up to him by his side, his bed wonderfully warm and full, then eating cereal together in front of the television although it’s the afternoon. One evening they go out to dinner at their favourite restaurant for curry, the next Hyunsik tries his best to cook some fried rice for the two of them as Ilhoon watches from the counter behind him. He puts in an amount of effort he doesn’t come close to when he’s alone. Time flies so quickly, but there’s plenty of it to spend with each other of course, whether that’s in regards to a cozy night of cuddling on the couch, or the weeks following in which Hyunsik adjusts to being called Ilhoon’s Official Boyfriend without being caught off-guard and exchanging ‘I love you’s’ (but, frankly, he doesn’t think his heart will ever not flutter at the sound of it).

“Hey, hyung? Guess what,” Ilhoon asks with his head resting on Hyunsik’s lap and a blindingly bright smile across his face. “I like you,” he laughs loudly and it echoes in the otherwise silent room. “And I also love you.”

And Hyunsik loves Ilhoon too. He finds him in everything from the constellations in the sky that vaguely resemble the freckles on the side of his face to the towel hanging in his bathroom, the shirts piled up in his laundry basket and whatever’s in between. His scent lingers on Hyunsik’s bedsheets during the nights he sleeps alone, but that doesn’t necessarily remind him of his absence. It only has him more peaceful than ever as he dreams of Ilhoon being there again and this, all of it, is one huge feeling he can’t explain as many times as he’s tried now. He figures he can’t put it into words because there simply aren’t any or enough that can fully describe it, not that he’s aware of anyway. What it boils down to though is that he loves somebody and he loves him back just as much, and in his mind that’s kind of a miracle in itself. He thinks, perhaps, it truly is magic after all.

**Author's Note:**

> (the ‘blow a load’ line was not serious. honestly.)


End file.
